pebbles in the water

The Life You Want

2011-12-30T05:45:00.000-08:00

Beauty in the Simple

I have a friend, Cecelia Durkin, who owns a wonderful fair trade store called Women's Work. Her subtitle is : "Enabling women to live their chosen/desired way of life". One day this last month when we were trying to connect to deliver something, and we were both running in circles, I finally asked, "Cecelia, is this our chosen way of life?"

Frequently as the new year rolls around, I find myself declaring that I'm going to simplify things, not get myself into so many obligations, declutter, etc. etc. Sound familiar?

This morning as I was in the shower, noticing the three bottles of shampoo ( now really, I can only use one at a time), and was thinking about how my closets and cupboards get full, and how that theme runs to my art supplies, canned goods, clothes that I then have to make room for, I had an epiphany.

I thought of Annie Dillard's Book, The Maytrees. One of my favorite lines was when the long gone husband returns to her dune shack and wants to know where the mirror went, and she answers something like "I got rid of it. It wanted products."

Recalling that answer makes me think about what I need to get rid of. Not just the stuff. Not just saying no to invitations, requests, opportunities. I need to identify what the culprits are in my life that demand stuff, activity, energy that I don't really have any interest in. What are the underlying anxieties or bits of laziness that get me into my messes? Where are the mirrors that want products that don't serve me and the life I desire for myself?
Where are yours?
Let's throw them out.
Happy New Year.

Salsa

2011-09-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

I've been away a lot the last few months, often without easy internet access, so I haven't been posting to my blog. Perhaps you've noticed, or maybe you've been plenty busy yourself.

But this is the time of year to restart - school, cooking, work, friendships - whatever you've had to break from during the summer.

When it's hot out, I tend to make meals that require very little cooking. I avoid contributing one more calorie of heat to the environment, if I can help it. But now that it's a little cooler, I'm enjoying firing up the stove, figuring out what to make from the bounty we recieve each week from our local farm membership.

This past week I made salsa. Salsa is like pesto or spaghetti sauce - there are a million ways to make it, once you have the basics down. I've blanched tomatoes, tomatillos, and hot peppers till the skins slip off, thrown them in the food processor with onion, garlic, basil, cilantro, parsley - and voila! Simple. This is the way some of my friends from Mexico taught me.

This week I decided to broil the vegetables. I love the sweet flavor this imparts. And I had some fresh okra, too, so decided to throw that in. I also roasted the onion, rather than use it raw.

So here's what I used:

A few tomatoes (6 or 7 medium)

About 7 small to medium tomatilloes

5 jalapeno peppers

an onion

4 okra

I roasted these till they were charred on all sides, then removed the skins and stems as necessary and put them in the food processor. I added a handful of fresh cilantro, salt and pepper to taste, whirled them till they were processed, and stored them in the fridge.

We've enjoyed them with chips, but also as a topping for eggs or fish.

Let me know how you use your late summer vegetables! I'm always looking for good, simple ideas.

Celebration of Life

2011-05-29T04:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we attended a memorial celebration of the life of a friend of ours who died recently. And what a celebration it was. There were lively musicians playing banjo, bass, tuba, and trumpet; her husband who is a remarkable photographer had put together a slide show with images depicting her life and paintings, including video clips of her working on various projects. After seeing her when she was so ill, it was wonderful to watch her full of life, painting with her cat helper, mugging for the camera. Ten to twelve people were invited to speak, to tell their stories - and as each one shared Margaret's impact, she grew larger in our midst.

We each have Margaret stories full of love, humor, observation, admiration, gratitude. They are our individual pieces of her. But there was so much we didn't know. A hint of the fullness of this life came out in the community gathering.

While there were plenty of tears as well as laughter and the missing will continue, you knew that this was the perfect way to honor her life and to rejoice in the gifts she has given each of us.

Margaret Crenson's 2010 Christmas Card
from her painting

Inspiration from Quotes

2011-05-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

Robert Fulton Quote - Acrylic and Ink on Paper

Sometimes you come across a quote that is so rich in imagery that you find yourself running for your pencil or paints. The other day I was looking through a Kaatskill Life Magazine and there was a nice little article on Robert Fulton. It felt serendipitous because they used some photos from the Hudson River Maritime Museum in Kingston, NY, where just last week I'd left some work in their gift shop. The quote used at the beginning of the article was this:

"As the component parts of all new machines may be said to be old, it is a nice discriminatory judgement, which discovers that a particular arrangement will produce a new and desired effect... Therefore, the mechanic should sit down among levers, screws, wedges, wheels, etc. like a poet among the letters of the alphabet, considering them as the exhibitions of his thoughts; in which a new arrangement transmits a new idea into the world."

I love this statement. It IS poetry, and seems to fit so many creative processes, whether art, music, writing, scientific discovery.

I had to start getting this down on paper. Here is my first attempt.

Into the Woods

2011-05-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

Looking for frogs

Marcus has been itching to get back into the woods, streams, ponds, trails - wherever he can find animals. I've wanted to take advantage of this enthusiasm but with the kids being sick so much of the winter, we haven't been able to get out to explore. Lately there's been a lot of rain; yesterday we had a brief window between school and the next storm so we headed out. I'd gotten him some good boots over the winter, and picked up some nets from the pet store. I can't tell you how thrilled he was to be able to get into the small stream by himself. "You stay on the bank and look for frogs, nana. I'll go in here and see if I can find some."

And snakes

We had a great time in spite of the hordes of mosquitoes. There is little more thrilling than introducing children to an environment that is so rich in lessons. You take them to the smorgasboard and watch them feast.

A Year of Drinking Green Smoothies

2011-05-10T05:20:00.000-07:00

In response to an online challenge I began drinking green smoothies for breakfast a little over a year ago. It was the perfect time of year to start, when your body craves good fresh fruits and vegetables. I experimented a lot with various combinations, including things from the yard - plantain, dandelion greens, violet leaves, raspberry and grape leaves, and plenty of fresh mint. As the season progressed I was able to use all kinds of greens from the CSA we belong to, no longer depending on the store for the kale and collards I especially like. And I could get local fruits, except for the bananas that give the drink a nice consistency.

I worried about winter - I was afraid that drinking a cold beverage for breakfast might not appeal to me and I'd lose the habit. But I found that I did still enjoy them. And if I wanted to switch up on an especially cold morning, I would have eggs or oatmeal, and get right back to the smoothies the next day or so.

Today's beverage is made with kale, collards, plantain, mint, banana, apple, and pear. Tomorrow it will be mango, banana, and pineapple, plus greens from the store and yard. Much as I love spinach and lettuce for salads, I don't care for them in smoothies - they have such overpowering flavors, whereas the kale and collards just seem to blend right in.

The Muse Slips In On the Line in a Poem

2011-04-28T05:13:00.000-07:00

Spirit of Poetry
Acrylic on Paper, 10" by 8"

I sometimes hear the question, "Where do you get your ideas for your paintings?" And my answer is as varied as my themes: the season, my mood, experiences, what I've been reading. My formative years did not include television; we listened to radio programs, and read constantly. Both of those entertainments require active imagination, and provide good training for seeing things in your mind. There are some passages in books, and epecially poems that are so alive and present that all I have to do is edit what I'm seeing. Which point of view do I want to use?

One of my favorite poets is Catherine DeVinck. She entered my life in the 1980's when a friend gave me a collection of her poems entitled A Time to Gather. My husband and I used one of her poems at our wedding. And lately I've been envisioning a number of paintings as a result of rereading her work.

This painting was inspired by her poem in the section The Spirit of Poetry. I think I could paint a whole series on this one section alone, it is so full of gorgeous imagery. I encourage you to look for her books - there are many of them still available.
Where do you find your muse?

Bumps in the Road

2011-04-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

Harvest Goddess - egg tempera on gessoed stone

You may have noticed that I've been absent here, after a flurry of postings in February. The Thing a Day Challenge was so much fun and I got a lot of work done that felt really satisfying. And then March - no challenge, the usual family colds, sore throats, school closings requiring more babysitting hours from me, and my creativity seemed to slow down.

One of the biggest bumps turned out to be the confirmation that several of my standing stones had been stolen from a shop where I have my work.

I had first noticed two missing back in December, but was told that some things had been moved around, put in the window, etc. The manager said she'd look carefully through everything. I had thought about taking them to shows in the fall, but never got over there to remove them; still I said I'd look through my things to make sure I didn't have the one. I didn't.

Flame Madonna - egg tempera on gessoed stone

We couldn't figure out how anyone would take them - they're heavy, not something little you can slip in your pocket. And the fact that two of them were missing seemed odd. But with winter coats and bundles, it wouldn't be too difficult to remove them.

There are no security devices in the store. And being a friendly community, the people who work in it might not be that vigilant.

Then in March, when I was back at the shop, I found that a third one was gone. Now we knew for sure that someone was focussing their energies on taking these stones. I was sick I felt stalked, violated. Any time I tried to paint I experienced grieving. I debated pulling out of the store. The manager said she'd move my things closer to the counter. There are plans to install security cameras. I still don't feel safe and am not sure whether I'll stay there - but I do like the store and the group of people.

I'm trying to put this behind me. There may not be anything I can do to recover these particular stones. But I can take a cue from the rebirthing of this spring season around me and watch to see what might come forth.

P.S. the images of the first two are so poor because I had to crop them out of booth shots - I'd never gotten around to taking individual pictures of them, somehow.

Contemplative - egg tempera on gessoed stone

Thing a Day - the Last 5 Days

2011-03-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

Doodles and Crows Ink on Paper

Somehow I missed posting the last 5 days here, though I did send them in to the Posterous site.

On reflection, this was a great month for pushing through periodic inertia. Even on days when I felt super busy or was sick, I was determined to create SOMEthing. And the funny thing is that it was energizing.

Crow Pin Acrylic on Waterworn Stone

Overall, I came up with ideas through the month that I'd like to revisit and work on more thoroughly. When we creating alone all the time it is often difficult to judge the merits of a piece. I found that when I photographed them to post, it was easier to see what might need tweaking.

Crow ACEO Acrylic on Coffee Grounds

Challenges can be so useful to a creative spirit - dare I even say, essential? Thing a Day was a good one for me. But there are others to look for - and many that find us.

Opened Pomegranate ACEO's Acrylic on Paper

Opened Pomegranate 6" by 6" Acrylic on Canvas - unfinished

What are the challenges you've been working with? Have you purposely sought any out? What have you learned?

Thing A Day 22 and 23

2011-02-23T17:48:00.000-08:00

crow pin, acrylic on stone

Desert Sunrise with Crows, Acrylic on Paper, ACEO

Yesterday and today were busy so I just painted some small things. The interesting thing to me is that although I've painted a lot of crow pins in the past, I found that I've changed how I do it. The differences are small, but noticeable. Since I've been working with all these crows this month, I'm no longer satisfied with the way I used to do paint them. I added a little detail to the body and a very thin line of paint in a lighter color to set the crow off better against the background.

Today was a babysitting day which means I have to carry my supplies with me. Sometimes it's fun to set a challenge to use only a couple of colors. I chose a dark plum and a pale yellow and combined them to get the muted pigments that felt to me like a desert sunrise. Then I added a couple of crows, although in the one little painting I think it's a condor- it's big!

Desert Sunrise 2, Acrylic on paper, ACEO

One of the things I've loved about this event is that it has freed me to experiment and play with various materials. I'm not so hung up on the outcome - more in the process and what I can learn from it. And I've learned that I can do this even with very little free time.

Desert Sunrise 3, Acrylic on paper, ACEO

Thing A Day 20 and 21

2011-02-21T13:25:00.000-08:00

Acrylic on canvas 5" by 4"

Yesterday was really busy. In spite of the fact that the temperatures have plunged again, the longer daylight and couple of warm days we had last week put spring in my head when I sat down last night to paint. So I just did this little painting of a jack in the pulpit - it's one of my favorite spring woods flowers - always seems like such a sweet surprise.

Julian of Norwich, Acrylic on Paper 12" by 9"

Today I had more time to paint and wanted to come up with an image of Julian of Norwich for a friend. I'll do something more traditional of her, too, but liked this simplicity with a background of her own words.

Thing A Day, 16, 17, 18, 19

2011-02-19T13:54:00.000-08:00

Mary Magdalene Acrylic on Paper 8" by 5"

I'm back. I took a few days off and removed myself from my daily routines - no phones, newspapers, family, friends - not even much speech. I took my paints, a journal, camera, and yoga mat and spent three days at Holy Cross Monastery. It's only 15 minutes away and yet if felt like I was in another country. I was tired when I left. It's been a long time since I've felt really well. But between the final doses of an antibiotic and the rest, meditation, and prayer, it feels like I've been re created.

And I did a lot of painting.

I was assigned to the Mary Magdalene room, overlooking the river. I had a good desk for painting, situated under the window. I watched the ice move back and forth on the river, the moon and sun rises. My days were silent except for the daily offices, listening to the monks chanting. Even meals are taken in silence. I listened to birds, the wind, melting ice, a violent thunderstorm. I suspect if I'd had binoculars I'd have seen eagles on the ice flows. And could it have been swans that I saw this morning flying south with the stray snow flakes?

Here are two versions of Mary Magdalene with pomegranates and crows. I had been wondering what the link between these two things might be - and here they are with Mary Magdalene and Mary and Jesus, a perfect fit.

The photo is one I took this morning from the cloister walk - a representation of today's thing a day - the re created me.

Blessings on you this day.

Mary Magdalene Acrylic on Paper, 12" by 9"

Mary and Jesus Acrylic on Paper 12" by 9"

Holy Cross Monastery

Thing a Day 14 and 15

2011-02-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

Valentine Crow Acrylic on Paper, 9" by 12"

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and not only have I always loved this day, I usually celebrated it enthusiastically. But this year I'm just coming round from 6 weeks of not feeling so hot, my energy levels aren't back to normal, I'd been babysitting all day, my husband came home sick, so after supper I retired to my studio to paint something that might address both my theme for Thing a Day and also Valentine's Day. It was such a windy night that I decided to paint a crow in a tumultuous sky. I'm still playing with the wet paper techniques. Once I'd gotten the base down, I just painted the crow right into it with quick rough strokes so it would look windblown. And I gave it a piece of red thread in its beak - it seemed like the perfect Valentine for a crow to bring to its mate when it was tired. A small gift. But thoughtful and bright.

Crow Carrying Valentine Acrylic on Canvas, 9" by 12"

I'm still drawn to that image so today I went back and did it differently - more stylized. I like this version, too. I like thinking about simple gifts, carefully chosen. If I were this crow's mate, I'd be thrilled to get this cheerful bit of ribbon for my nest. Forget the flowers, the jewels, the things we're told we should want. Thought chocolates would be ok, too - I'm sure crows like chocolates.

Thing a Day, Days 11, 12, 13

2011-02-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

Preparing Paper with Watercolor and Water

On the 11th day, I tried an experiment. I had been visiting with friends who are watercolorists and they told me about a technique they use to lay down a background on their paper. You know how someone gives you a little tip about how to make something easier - and you are just amazed that you never thought of it. They mentioned taping their paper to a board so it didn't warp. So THAT's how it's done? And then they do swirly things with spray bottles, etc. I taped my paper, sprayed away, put a little color down - and made a holy mess. Everything was so wet it had to dry overnight. And it didn't look very good. But it was flat. I'll have to go ask for more details. That was enough for the 11th day.

Crows Eating Pomegranate Acrylic on Canvas, 9" by 12"

On the 12th day I painted a pair of crows on canvas, eating pomegranates. Remembering things crows can stand for - in some cultures they are symbols of fidelity, faithfulness; and pomegranates are symbols of indisolubility of marriage as well as fertility or fruitfulness. So they might want to sit in the same tree together.

Day 13 I chose to illustrate a legend of crows as protectors. The Buddhist story is that when the first Dalai Lama was a baby the home was attacked by robbers. The parents were away and couldn't get there in time. Fearing the worst they were surprised to find their son was fine when they got home, being protected and cared for by a pair of crows. Also, crows have anticipated the births of five dalai lamas, including the present one. You will notice that the background for this painting is the paper I played with on Day 11 - so it didn't go to waste.

Crows Protecting the Dalai Lama Acrylic on Paper, 9" by 12"

Thing a Day - Tenth Day

2011-02-10T17:52:00.000-08:00

Crow Brings Lightning, Thunder, Wind

Once a month I meet with three friends - two painters and a weaver, to discuss our creative lives. I always look forward to these sessions and today when we met and were discussing the insecurities we all face, Peg told us that she'd just come back from a conference on creativity. One of the speakers had said that there were successes and experiments. I love that idea. Because that's the way we need to approach our art - we don't just put out great stuff with every try. We have to work at it until we get something we're satisfied with. Diane showed us a painting she'd done - she had completed ten versions of it, playing with colors, tones, arrangement - until she got the serenity she was trying to achieve. We all agreed that the important thing is create regularly, being gentle with ourselves, learning from whatever we are doing. And that those lessons carry over into our larger lives, help us to look at the challenges we face in relationships, in day to day interactions.

Today I wanted to play with a roiling sky. I used the background story that comes from many North American cultures that the crow represents a supreme being, that when it flaps its wings it creates great winds, thunder, lightning. I also wanted to work on the shape of a wing when the tips are flipped up, either by the wind or the force that occurs when the bird wants to change direction. This is not my most successful painting since I've been working this month. But I learned from it and had fun. There are things I like about it, things I'd do differently next time. And there will be a next time.

Thing a Day Days 8 and 9

2011-02-09T09:12:00.000-08:00

Crow Eating Pomegranate Seeds - 2" by 1 3/4" Acrylic on stone

Yesterday I got pressed for time and decided to paint a crow and pomegranate on stone. I found that the practice I've been getting painting both of those things made it come together fairly quickly, even though it's so tiny. The stone is a smooth beach stone, 2" by 1 3/4". I haven't come across any stories that directly connect crows and pomegranates, but they have both been used in myth and symbolism for thousands of years, across cultures and religions. I find myself making up stories that will connect the two, sure that they have encountered each other.

Today I turned to the Pacific Northwest, using a story from the Haida people, a first nation of the islands off the coast of British Columbia as my inspiration. The story is that the crow stole the sun from the master of the sky and gave it to the people. Having lived in Washington state when I was young, I have a clue as to what a precious gift that would be. This painting is done with acrylics on paper and measures 12" by 9"

Crow Giving Sun to the People

Detail of Crow Giving Sun to the People

Day 7 Thing A Day

2011-02-07T14:44:00.000-08:00

Travel kit contents, palette extra

I was babysitting today so figured I could take a few supplies and paint while the baby was sleeping. I keep a little travel kit handy for just such times - some water color tubes, scissors, tape, glue, a compass, various brushes, pencils, sharpener - and I took along 3 bottles of acrylic paint: charcoal brown, gray lavender, and black. I packed a palette and my handy eye dropper bottle. But I forgot paper. However, I found some blank ACEO cards in the kit. (That acronym stands for art cards editons and originals - they are popular with some collectors, being a standard 2 1/2" by 3 1/2")

Crows Roosting

I ended up getting three cards done. It's a gray day. My daughter's house has good views of massed trees from most windows. It was good practice playing with the trees, adding my dear crows.

Crows on Branches

Crow Flying to Tree

Day 6 Thing a Day

2011-02-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

Roosting Crows 7 1/2" by 6" Acrylic on Paper

Today's little painting is crows coming to roost in the evening. This is such an intriguing event. Years ago when I ran I noticed that crows would be flying toward the sun in the mornings, accompanying me along my path until I was ready to return home. And in the evenings I would see them gather along the river, flying toward the last rays. They would flock to trees - but not always the same tree. So who decided where they'd bed down for the night? Is there a hospitality committee?

Many people find this phenomenon remarkable. Some think it's frightening. Some love the noisy raucousness. I'm in the latter category. I think of them as crow blossoms.

I read In the Company of Crows and Ravens that in ancient times the Hebrews marked the beginning of the Sabbath by when the crows began to roost.

I have to comment on the quality of this painting. It is not particularly good. I grabbed thin paper. I didn't have a lot of time. It's not the best that I could do. It is simply getting an idea down visually. It is something I'd like to come back to later and work up with more care. I think the idea of this kind of challenge is not to get bogged down in insisting that we don't show anything until it's "really good". I've found that there are many things I haven't tried because of that excuse. At this stage in life, I just want to play more, to experiment more, to take these small steps to discovery.

How about you? What discoveries are you making? What risks are you taking?

Thing a Day 2011, Days 4 and 5

2011-02-05T13:36:00.000-08:00

Opened Pomegranate Acrylic on Paper 4"x 5 1/2"

Day 4 I had limited time so just did a small painting of a single pomegranate that had been opened and some seeds had spilled out. In Jewish tradition the pomegranate symbolizes righteousnes because of the saying that there are 613 seeds in a pomegranate and 613 commandments in Jewish law. Greek mythology tells the story of Persephone being abducted by Hades and taken to the underworld to be his wife. Her mother Demeter eventually was able to bring her back. But if the rule was that if someone ate anything in the underworld they couldn't leave. Persephone had been tricked into eating some pomegranate seeds. Some stories say 3 seeds, some 6. So she was compelled to return to Hades for the same number of months as seeds that she had eaten. This became a legend of how we got our seasons. Pretty important little seeds. I just love how jewel like they are.

Day 5 I have a crow pulling apart a pomegranate and feasting on seeds. And perhaps she'll share them.

Playing with Pomegranates TAD Day 3

2011-02-04T05:18:00.000-08:00

Playing with Pomegranates Acrylic on Paper, 11" by 9 "

So here we'll try again to show you what's going on with the Thing a Day event.
This day I decided to play with pomegranates. The shape is pretty simple. But the colorings and subtleties offer lots of choices to fool around with. Eventually I have more complex paintings in mind, things that I put off doing because I'm afraid of messing them up. So maybe if I work on components, getting elements down that I like or don't like, it will be less intimidating. So here are some intact pomegranates.

Are there things you put off doing because you worry about not being good enough? Can you break them down into smaller pieces?

Thing A Day: 2

2011-02-04T05:13:00.000-08:00

I haven't had much success posting my daily work on my posterous site so figured I'd do it over here, in case anyone wants to follow along. I'm really enjoying the challenge of coming up with something new to work on each day, and more to the point, making the time to do it. My other activities don't stop for this month, so some days it feels a bit more difficult - but so far rewarding. So here is what I painted on the second day:

Crow with Pomegranat Acrylic on Paper, 9" by 11"

In the Genesis flood story Noah sent out the raven before he sent out the dove. It doesn't say what happened with the raven - just that it flew back and forth. But in other flood stories, the raven returned with signs of land. I've chosen to give it a pomegranate branch. Pomegranates are symbolic of fertility, abundance, fruitfulness. I think most of us are looking for fruitfulness in our lives.

I planned to post day 3 here, too, but for some reason it's not allowing me to add another picture. So I'll write a new post for that. Sorry if this means more mail in your inbox.
This day I decided to play with pomegranates. The shape is pretty simple. But the colorings and subtleties offer lots of choices to fool around with. Eventually I have more complex paintings in mind, things that I put off doing because I'm afraid of messing them up. So maybe if I work on components, getting things down that I like or don't like, it will be less intimidating. So here are some intact pomegranates.

Thing a Day

2011-02-01T07:48:00.000-08:00

Winter Crow Flying 6" by6" Acrylic on Canvas

A friend tipped me off to this Thing A Day online event that takes place during the month of February. The idea is that every day you make something new and then post it at the Posterous site. This is their 5th year running it - and there are over 490 participants. The rules are very simple: make something new every day (no old stuff you just want to pull up and share now), and post it. People do all kinds of creative things - fabric and textile projects, photos, recipes, poems, paintings, etc. Since it's so open, I figured that I could at least come up with some small thing each day - and if time allows, something a little more involved. I like the idea of pushing myself a little every day.

I've decided that my theme will be crows. I love them. They're right up there with ravens, in my book. But we have more crows for me to watch than ravens. In 1982 I wrote a poem about them - and keep going back to it in my mind. Now that I'm painting I can explore their shapes and habits in other ways.

I may also work pomegranates into some of the work in the days ahead - I'm not sure why, but the combination of crows and pomegranates is very engaging. I did recently finsh reading Sue Monk Kidd's Travelling with Pomegranates, which certainly brought up some of the imagery of that intriguing fruit - but I've been thinking of doing something with them for awhile, anyway.

I'm excited to see what lies ahead.

How about you? What are you dreaming up these days?

One Thing Leads to Another

2011-01-23T15:35:00.000-08:00

I've been painting for nine years. And over that time I've learned to appreciate how one thing leads to another.

Chickadees in Spring 7" x 7" Acrylic on Stone and Paper

When I began I let the shape of the stone dictate what I was painting - and came up with some neat pieces. But after a while I had a whole bunch of "neat things" and needed to turn them into something people could use. So that led me to making them into pins and pocket icons and framed pieces. Gradually my painting evolved so that I was telling larger stories. I took up iconography and began more formal training in that discipline. I found that I could combine my love for using egg tempera and painting on stone, discovered ways to work on larger stones - and came up with the standing stones.

Through the Hudson Valley Artisan's Guild that offered yearly challenges around a particular theme and the requests of customers, new ideas and techniques developed.

Recently someone asked me to make a feather pin for her - but she had a particular type of feather in mind. As I worked with her on the feather, I began to think more seriously about how much I love crows and ravens and my mind started playing with how I could work up a series of paintings about these engaging birds. Years ago I had an experience with crows that I want to paint - but I haven't got the skills down yet to do it justice - so this will be a path that I hope will bring me closer.

Guinea Hen Feather Pin Acrylic on Stone

One of the best experiences I ever had at a craft show was when a family - a middle aged couple and their older teenaged son, came into my booth and spent a lot of time looking very carefully at my work. She read my artist statement that mentioned how I'd started painting later in life. She was almost in tears. Her husband encouraged her to talk to me and find out more about my process. I'm not sure what her story was - but it seemed that she was at a crossroads and her husband and son were encouraging her to follow some thing that she needed to nurture. We talked about starting small and gradually learning how to take the next step. You don't have to know it before you start.

I hope she took that first step. I hope she has found fulfillment and satisfaction in her work. I know, for myself, that I just need to maintain my practice. As I work in good faith, I will progress - and I'll get that painting done yet.

What kind of steps are you taking to fulfill your dreams?

Study of Crows

Standing Stones

2011-01-18T10:09:00.000-08:00

Sketching design with suggested colors

Last year I wrote about the process of painting icons using the traditional methods: gessoing boards, applying gold leaf, mixing the dry pigments into egg yolk medium, oiling. And on occasion I've posted pictures of how I've taken those methods and applied them to painting on stones. While I enjoy painting on paper, canvas, wood, and glass, I am also repeatedly drawn back to my dear rocks, finding new ways to use them in my art.

Here's a brief description of the process I use for my standing stones:

I select stones based on their texture and shape. People find it surprising that it takes me as long as it does to find the right stones. But envisioning what I want to do with it helps me decide whether it's worth carrying off the beach or not.

Gluing cotton or linen with gelatin

I have a friend who drills a hole in the bottom of the stone and inserts a threaded receptacle so I can bolt the base on.

Sanding gesso

Initial preparation includes gluing fabric to the stone and applying about 8 layers of gesso. After letting it dry for a few days, I sand the stones, till I get them as smooth as possible.

Usually I trace the outline of the stone on paper and play with the layout of my design. Then I sketch this drawing onto the stone itself. Next comes the alternating layers of floats and highlights till I've got the look I want.

Instead of oiling the finished stone as I would a board, I use an acrylic varnish. Working on the curved surfaces requires some changes in technique, and the varnish is much easier to apply in this instance.

The last step is to attach the base.

Finshed Virgin of Guadalupe Standing Stone

A New Year

2011-01-08T14:21:00.000-08:00

A friend gave me a lovely calendar for Christmas this year entitled Simplicity, with stunning photos by Deborah DeWitt. The quote under January's image is from Hans Hoffman: "The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak." How perfect is that for the beginning of a new year?

A Stufy in Chaos

I don't usually do a lot with resolutions but I do use the beginning of the year for reflection, thinking about what might need more attention, what might bring more to my life that is in line with my values. On new years' day it struck me that I would like to include more time for meditation. And since something has to go to make room for that, spending less frivolous time on the computer might be a good trade.

I like to journal. But I'm dissatisfied with the way I go about it - somewhat haphazardly, often thinking about feelings and thoughts, but instead writing tediously about so many details in my day that I lose momentum for the interior work I'd like to be doing there. Part of what gets in my way is having a good place to write regularly. My desk, which is in a perfect corner of my studio, gets so cluttered I can't use it. Whenever we have company and I want to clear up the dining room table, I bring everything up and dump it on my desk. It becomes such a pile that I plan to get to for filing, tossing, etc. that it becomes overwhelming and months go by.

Post Excavation 2011

Today I decided that I would excavate. I sorted, assessed, stored, discarded down to the very bottom - which I discovered took me to a year ago! Arghh.

But, oh my! How delightful to have my desk back, to lay out my journal ready for new thoughts, sketches, plans! I anticipate this feeling of organization to help me eliminate the unnecessary, so that the necessary of my life doesn't have to flail around, wasting energy, trying to survive the clutter.

How about you? How do you invite the necessary to speak?

Omi's Apple Kuchen

2010-10-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

My friend Helen gave me her mother - in - law's recipe for apple kuchen - and when apples are abundant, I make a new batch every few days. It's such a great recipe because the ingredients are almost always on hand, it goes together really quickly, and it is absolutely delicious! It's fabulous by itself, decadent with some good ice cream.

Here's the recipe:

1 1/2 C. sugar ( can use less)

3 large eggs

3/4 C canola oil

pinch of salt

1 1/2 C. flour

2 tsp. baking powder

2 tsp. vanilla

8 to 10 peeled Rome, Cortland, or other large good cooking apples

1 tsp. cinnamon

2 to 3 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice

Grease 9x13" pan. Slice apples and add until pan is 2/3 full. Add lemon juice and cinnamon. Set aside.

Beat sugar and eggs together until smooth. Add oil and salt and beat. Mixe in baking powder, flour and vanilla until smooth. Spread on top of apples.

Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour until golden brown and apples are bubbling

Happy Eating!

Today's Smoothie

2010-10-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

Midsummer Mixture

Back in April I entered a Green Smoothie Challenge offered by Suzanne Seeger of Enchanted Chameleon. The time was right for me. After the two weeks of the challenge it stuck. I've become a devotee of my morning drink.
The spring was the perfect time to jump into this.  The idea that I could experiment with wild greens that were coming up in my yard - dandelions, plantains, arugula, violets, raspberry canes, grape leaves, mint - made it extra fun. And as the late spring greens became abundant at our community farm, I was well supplied with spinach, chard, kale, lettuces, collards, bok choi, beet tops, and other varieties.
I add fruits as I have them. I don't like to put berries in my smoothies. I love them too much all by themselves to mix with other tastes and textures. I don't like to eat bananas - but they're great in smoothies. They help keep the texture even, they add sweetness when they're very ripe, and of course, they're full of good nutrients. So I almost always include those. Mangoes,melons, pineapple, papaya, grapes, peaches, apples, plums are my other additons.
In the beginning I did feel a little hungry in the morning - even though I'd drunk almost a quart of the mixture. I would spread it out through the morning if I could, figuring if I could make it till lunchtime, then I'd have a regular lunch. I began to like the lightness. And the virtue. Don't you love to experience virtue once in a while? If I clean the refrigerator, organize my desk, or do my exercises, I feel like I've done a really good thing for myself - and I revel in it. For a little while. Same with getting my day off to a good start with my morning drink.
When I've gone on vacation, or been invited out to breakfast, I've skipped the smoothies. But I'm always happy to go back to them. That's how I know that it's not a passing fad.
I went for a check up last week. It was the first time in almost a year that I'd gotten on a scale. I know that my clothes have become more comfortable, some a little too loose. So I wasn't surprised to find out that I'd lost weight. It has been a slow process, but I'm not in a hurry. I'm enjoying it.
So here's what I had this morning:
   1 MacCoun Apple
   3/4 C. papaya
   1 Banana
   2 leaves of turnip greens, pulled from stems ( I find it necessary to limit these greens - they're quite peppery)
   2 + C. kale leaves pulled from stems - I mixed the varieties
   1 Tbsp. aloe juice
   2 C. water
All blended in my super duper Blendtec blender.
What do you do for yourself? What makes you feel virtuous?

A Found Day

2010-10-02T05:10:00.000-07:00

View from our cottage deck

Holy Toledo! Can you believe it's October, already? I can't say I've been going full tilt. We had a glorious two week vacation on an island in the Bay of Fundy early in September where we only followed our inclinations as they came. Go pick berries, find rocks, sit and read, do tai chi on the deck? What shall we eat? Fish? Vegetables? Freshly baked bread and cheese? Shall I wear the black pants or the green ones? I only have two to choose from.

But then we came home. And all the energy from that marvelous rest has been put to use. Appointments that had been put off, Farmer's Market, baking and preparing the reception for my first solo show, a day in NY going to museums, this week a fabulous high energy retreat for people who work with youth in the church. My parents are coming for a visit this coming week and my house looks like we've been through an earthquake. Today I was supposed to be going to another farmer's market. So there was going to be precious little time to restore it to order. Where is Mary Poppins when you need her?

Then yesterday I got news that our group's participation in the farmer's market was cancelled. I feel badly for the members who had counted on this and for the way it happened - it was a bit shabby on the market's part. But for me, I felt I'd been given the most wonderful gift - a day of my own!

I can go to the farm and pick raspberries. I can savor making foods for my friend's 50th birthday party tomorrow (Happy Birthday, dear Stephen!), and for a block party this afternoon where I can meet my neighbors and enjoy their company, instead of feeling like I'm squeezing them in as I rush home from doing the market. I can gently begin to create order in my home, giving thanks for the upcoming visit from my parents.

The gift of attention

I feel blessed. May you find blessing in this day.

Happy Friday - August 20, 2010

2010-08-20T13:24:00.000-07:00

I'm still participating in Jamie Ridler's Happy Book Club, which meets online on Fridays. Summer attendance has been sporadic - I don't think there's any such thing as "lazy" days of summer - seem to be more of the "hazy" and "crazy" days. And it is flying!

But it's been mostly wonderful and exciting. Wednesday, Ethan was one week old. He continues to be the hit of the household with his brothers and all the rest of us. I put together a little Smilebox slideshow with photos from his first few days. Are you familiar with that resource? It's really fun to do - to put up a little show of your vacation, or family events, art projects - and is relatively easy. It's also free, unless you want a fancier version with customized music, etc. But even then it's very reasonable.

Torn from Home - Diptych

The other exciting thing for me is that I'm getting ready for a solo show - my first. It's just at the Unitarian Fellowship nearby, but the space is lovely, and it has kept me working hard this summer to come up with a theme that will pull some of the various things I do together. I've made some new paintings for it, besides planning to display some previous work. I'm a little anxious about getting the final details in place. But I'm also energized by it. I'm hoping it will give me the confidence I need to try for some other shows and competitions.

Wishing you glorious August days.

Catskill Spring Flowers

Happiness is New Life - August 14th, 2010

2010-08-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

Ethan has arrived - a little earlier than expected, but totally welcome. In fact we're all overjoyed. It's amazing how such a little being goes right to the hearts all around.

I was able to be with my daughter through the whole process. She needed to have an induction and was admitted to the hospital late in the afternoon on Monday. I always thought that inducing pregnancy was a pretty simple process and expected that we'd have a baby by the next afternoon sometime. But I was wrong. It can sometimes take several days. And when she still wasn't making much progress by Tuesday afternoon, part of my job was to ease her discouragement and frustration. They took her off the pitocin and let her get up to have a shower, some supper ( she was so hungry by then), and then started the process all over again. In the meantime she had monitors for her contractions, monitors for the baby's heartbeat, automatic blood pressure readings ( those cuffs have a mind of their own and you begin to feel like they're out to get you!), and the IV line in her opposite arm. She was not a happy camper.

But our mantra became - the baby is doing great - he's got a strong heartbeat, he tolerates the contractions well, you're doing fine; so we just wait. Eventually he'll decide to come. But she's now thinking it could still be a couple of days and neither of us is getting much sleep. Listening to his heartbeat one night I thought it sounded like a train on a railroad track - you know how they click over the joint of the rails - ta duh, ta duh - a rapid steady beat. I kept thinking "You're on your way, sweetie - and we'll be there to meet you!"

Wednesday morning the report seemed to be that there was some progress, but not much. But then all of a sudden the body kicked in with its own hormones, they stopped the pitocin, and within a few hours we had our baby.

He came out with so much energy - stretching, crying, kicking, ready to take it all in. I ran to get his dad and then left to go pick up his brothers so they could share in the welcome party.

Shawn held him tenderly - he's 15 and remembers when Marcus was born. Marcus just looked on in awe, not ready to try to hold him, just so thrilled. At one point he looked at Ethan in his brother's arms, looked over at his mom, hugged his dad's leg and said "I love being part of this family!" Perfect response!

Happiness is an Artist's Date

2010-08-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

Years ago I read Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way, and doors opened. So much of what she suggested makes perfect sense. But I don't practice what I learned frequently enough. I write in my journal (preferably in the morning) occasionally. I have managed to silence some of the "nay" voices in my head. And I am sporadic in making my artist "date" - the times when you take yourself off to look at art, nature, inspiration, materials - any of the things that might stimulate ideas, creativity, energy for your art.
But this Friday I feel like I had a whole Artist Retreat. While it's often good to do these dates alone, this one was in the good company of my friend, Leslie.

We got off to a challenging start. She got stuck in ridiculous traffic and we missed the train. So we decided to have coffee and found a place close to the train station where we pretended this was part of our plan - instead of getting off the train and having coffee, we'd do it now.

Once in New York, we jumped on a subway to SoHo to visit her sister in law who is an artist. Katherine took us to a neighborhood restaurant that was perfect. A sycamore tree was growing up from the sidewalke and they'd built their awning around it - lovely. The food served was bright, fresh, spicy, delicious. Then we walked through the neighborhood to her apartment to see her paintings. Watching the people on the sidewalks and the streets, the clothes, the hair, the postures, the modes of transportation was great fun. And then there were Katherine's paintings! Fabulous! Walls of them. Street scenes, cityscapes, portraits of her friends, luscious color and movement. Just the fact that all this wonderful work was accomplished in a 600 square foot apartment, and there was still room for living and guests was inspiring.

Leslie's shoes weren't working for her so we decided to go to Century 21 to look for replacements and just to see the store. What a wild place! I hadn't been there since just before 9/11 - so being in that neighborhood, passing St. Paul's where I'd spent a day volunteering, brought back memories and images.

Then on to Tu Lu's, a gluten free bakery near Union Square. More fascinating neighborhoods to walk through. And interesting conversation with the young woman helping us.
Finally we caught a subway uptown to end our day at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The Met is so huge that I can only take in a couple of exhibits with attention on any one trip. After a brief refreshment in the cafeteria where we planned what to see, we headed for the rooftop where the Starn brothers have installed Big Bambu, a fabulous sculpture in progress. The evening light was golden, visitors were in a festive mood - the whole rooftop felt magical!
Downstairs we visited the American Woman: Fashioning a National Identity exhibit, that was beautifully done. I loved the juxtaposition of costume, film, and text and the opportunity to think about what clothing does to us and for us. Leslie and I could have much longer conversations about this, I'm sure.
There was a quick look through some modern paintings, especially Matisse, but the museum was closing and we had to head for home.
My head is still spinning. I'm eager to spend some time writing about my impressions and then perhaps see where some of this may pop up in my own painting. And I'm eager for another artist date, perhaps more focussed.

Mid Summer Musing

2010-07-18T05:15:00.000-07:00

Ugh! I have joined the ranks of the complainers. It's too hot. It's too sticky. I have no energy. There are so many things I need to do! With little relief from these 90 plus degree days and high humidity, with upcoming family visitors, with aggravations like a refrigerator conking out in the midst of our hectic days, with upcoming shows and no new work produced - I've been feeling such frustration.
So my morning meditation is to look for the blessing.
There is nothing more welcome than the early morning air in summer! I'm perhaps more aware of this sea we are immersed in than at any other time of the year. The cicadas' chorus is one of my favorite summer sounds. Three little wrens were getting flight instructions in our backyard this morning, one perched on the porch railing only a few feet from us, peering back at us as we watched with delight.
Since I'm too hot by early afternoon to do much else, I've been getting a lot of reading in. And I'm thoroughly enjoying Kent Haruf's Eventide. His earlier Plainsong has been one of my all time favorite books.

Exploring new water experiences with grandchildren has refreshed and delighted us - catching polliwogs, learning to mudcrawl, even imitating a lab retrieving sticks.

And then there are the tomatoes, blueberries, squashes, peppers, peaches, apricots - so many favorite fruits and vegetables ripening at this time of year.

This is the time of year that we are able to gather more of our kids and grandchildren together, along with family from afar. My brother and his family are coming in this week - we're lucky to get them on the east coast. My parents will come in the fall. It's a time for reconnections. While there are losses, too, these emphasize the importance of celebrating when we can be together.

What does summer mean for you? What blessing do you find in these days?

Happy Book Club - June 27th

2010-06-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I've been away from this blog for 2 months! I can't believe summer solstice is over. I can't believe the kids are out of school. But I can believe that time flies and that there is huge value in learning to appreciate the moments we're in. I've been practicing that. I used to get crazy trying to keep up with things, to document the details, thinking that was what I needed to do to capture my moments. Lately I've been rethinking that - thinking that I should instead be just living them as they come and not worrying so much if I forget them. I trust that other joys will follow - as will sorrows. As will aggravations. But my practice is to focus on this moment. And of course, I know that as in meditation, I will keep bringing myself back, over and over again, as I wander. On my morning walks I've been paying closer attention to the feel of the air on my skin, listening to the birds as well as the garbage trucks, smelling the honeysuckle, watching the way the leaves reflect the light, the shadows are long at 6 am.

We have lots of day lillies in the garden - and every day is a new configuration of color and shape.

My new Blend tec blender is a joy - my green smoothies are really smooth now. And I'm so happy to have found this way to start my days!

I took a workshop on playing a digeridoo - and I bought a simple one to use. It makes me laugh to practice flapping my lips, blowing out my cheeks, bringing whatever sound out of it that I can.

Marcus graduated from Pre-K - and now we have summer days to go on adventures, anticipating the coming of his new baby brother. These are the tumbling baby pins I made for favors for the shower we had for my daughter:

After a year and a half, I finally have progressed to a point where I have days without any back pain! I am so grateful!
I'm happy to be back with you. And if you'd like to see some of the fun and thoughtful experiences others in Jamie Ridler's Happy Book Club are experiencing you can find them here - you're welcome to add your own!

Happy Book Club - April 30, 2010

2010-04-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday! Perking along with Jamie Ridler's Happy Book Club gang, sharing another few instances of what brings smiles into my life.

1st - this mug shot of Marcus. He was insistent that he have a mohawk hairdo yesterday for school! I mean when he woke up in the morning and his hair was back to its usual sweet cap of close waves, he broke down in tears until my daughter re -worked it with a little water and mousse. Then he was all smiles and ready to ham it up!
2nd - Monday was my daughter's birthday - but I woke up in such a grumpus mood. I had a slight headache, just in a funk. I was making my morning green smoothie when my dear husband called me into his little office where he'd just finished installing new speakers. He put on Judy Collins singing "Someday Soon", put his arms around me and started dancing, his own little version of a 2 step in a 3' by 3' space. What a sweetie - funk gone.
3rd - A friend invited me to join her meditation group this morning. It was fun to meet some really interesting new people and they all go out for breakfast afterward - so I tried a delicious ginger peach scone. My breakfasts lately have been just my green smoothies, so this was a real treat. And I had my smoothie when I came home. It was good, too.
Little delights noticed make all the difference in day. What has pulled a smile out of you this week?

Self-monitoring - Watches, Scales, Sizes. and Other Nonsense

2010-04-28T07:18:00.000-07:00

This isn't a very sexy title, but lately I've realized that I'm developing a different system of keeping track of myself. I know others have already thought about this - and would love to hear what you might have come up with.
For the first time in perhaps 45 years, I no longer wear a watch routinely. I needed one when I was working - to check pulses, respirations, how long someone had been standing or doing an exercise. I still use an alarm clock most mornings, since I need to meet a friend for our early walks, much of the year before sunrise. And of course I have to check clocks for appointments or picking up grandchildren. But otherwise, I move to the rhythms of the day.
When I stretch or work on balance I find myself still counting out seconds - an old habit. But since I've been doing yoga, I've been changing this to focusing on my breath. And if I want to sustain a stretch, I count my breaths rather than the time. It's a subtle difference, but I feel myself relax more when I do this.
I don't use a scale. When I go to the doctor's they weigh me - but that's the only time I'll step on one. I hate them. I come from a family of thin people. I was never thin - and the scale has always felt like a tyrant. My clothes tell me how I'm doing with my weight. When I do certain exercises or movements I can feel whether I need to lose a few pounds - and most of the time that's the case. Keeping track of body fat with calipers or finger pinches is another thing I don't do. I've got eyes, and they don't lie. And it's easy to tell whether I need more muscle strenth by trying a few pushups. When I can't do even modified ones in good alignment, I need to work at it.
I don't count calories or carbs - I know the things that are loaded with them, I know the foods that are especially good for me. If I were diabetic, I'd need to count the carbs to balance out my insulin - but otherwise, I don't think it's necessary to do that.
Sizes of clothes don't determine what I'll buy or wear. It's not necessary to work to get to a size 10. Sizes help to approximate where to look on the racks, but beyond that guide, sizes are irrelevant. I will not be dictated by them.
I've decided that the only thing that counts is how I feel - and so it's become really important to pay attention to that. In the past six months I've been learning a lot about my body through yoga. I see where the losses in strength and flexibility have gradually developed and have been trying to reverse them so that I'm more comfortable in all my movement. I have gradually been moving away from some of the cooking that I used to love to do - realizing I have more discretionary time and a better diet when I let a lot of that go. Our meals are simple, well balanced, nothing fancy. I use local and fresh food as much as possible, and both my husband and I have reduced the quanitities that we eat. I've recently been experimenting with green smoothies (thanks to Suzanne at Enchanted Chameleon and find these to be delicious, satisfying, and for some reason inspiring. After putting such good nutrition into my body, I'm somewhat reluctant to mess things up with a bunch of junk. But I'm not depriving myself - if I want a piece of cake or a couple cookies or a few chips - I have them.
So this is some of what I'm learning - and if you have experiences of how you're moving to a healthier self, while leaving some old crutches behind, let me know.

Happy Thoughts - April 23

2010-04-23T06:18:00.000-07:00

I am full of happy thoughts this morning. It is another beautiful spring day. I can't remember when we last had such a gorgeous spring. So many years it either is cold and rainy or we go right into summer weather. This has been idyllic - the kind that inspires poetry, painting, dancing, music.

Marcus and I have been continuing our outdoor adventures whenever possible. These were inspired by a challenge over at 5 Orange Potatoes . One day this week we were at the lake at Vassar and found a huge snapping turtle resting in the water. At first we thought it was a turtle shaped log, it blended in so well with the murky bottom. But then it slowly started to move away. I had my camera but wasn't quick enough -we were too busy watching it. He asks every day I see him "Can we go on an adventure now?"

The other great thing I'm enjoying this week is the Green Smoothie Challenge over at Enchanted Chameleon . Suzanne set up a two week challenge with lots of encouragement, recipes, how - tos, where fores - and I am loving it! I have NEVER been interested in drinking a meal. That may go back to my high school days when I was trying to take off a few pounds and the rage was Metrecal. Awful stuff. I hated it, I resented having to drink a lousy tasting liquid while my friends were devouring their sloppy joes. So even when I've read in the last few years how people enjoy their fruit smoothies for lunch, or hear about the raw food revolution and how good green smoothies are for you, I just wasn't that interested. But lately I've been working on my well-being. I'm 64. I sing the Beatles song in my head a lot - "Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?" I've had some back problems that have curtailed my rowing and have left me feeling weaker and less flexible. So I took up yoga. I've also started tai chi - something I did 30 years ago, and am now happy to be relearning. I'm looking at my diet, wanting to divest myself of a few pounds. And I want my food to be in line with my desire to care for the earth. I was ready to hear Suzanne's message.

The first few days of the challenge I played it very safe. A little leaf lettuce, some banana, mango, papaya; some spinach with banana, papaya and pineapple. And I've only been drinking half a batch a day - waiting to see how my body would handle it. But today I'm so excited because I went out hunting in the yard for some greens to add - dandelion leaves, red clover leaves, mint. I mixed these in with some leaf lettuce, papaya and pineapple, two cups of water - delicious! I am hooked!
All of these connections have come to me through Jamie's online book clubs - the current one being Happy Book Club . There are so many wonderful people participating in these, all sharing some of their discoveries with each other. Thank you!

Great Outdoor Challenge - April 14, 2010

2010-04-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

Today was magical. Our after school adventure was to take a little hike at one of the local historical sites. Marcus was so enthusiastic about the idea of following a trail in the woods. And when he saw that there was a pond, a few streams, bridges of various sizes, insects, fish, birds, and flowers of all sorts, he was ecstatic. At one point we were walking along quietly and he whispered: "It's so silent. I like it." He was very taken by the stillness. We could hear a bee droning - which he pointed out to me was a wood bee. And we could hear a distant towhee, I think.

We came to a tiny stream where he was able to get down to the water level and examine it closely. There was a single trillium blooming on the bank - a real treasure.
When it was time to go and we were walking back, I encouraged him to be the leader so he could practice his pathfinding skills. At one point he seemed overcome by joy and came back to me,hugged me around my legs and declared "I love you, Nana!"
You can read about other participants' experiences by going to 5 Orange Potatoes. Creating opportunities for children to explore the natural world is a priceless gift - we all benefit.

Great Outdoor Challenge - April 12th

2010-04-12T15:10:00.000-07:00

I look forward to picking Marcus up after school on any day - but since we've started participating in the Great Outdoor Challenge set up by Lisa at 5 Orange Potatoes, it's even more fun. I try to stay loose about what we might do - depending on the weather, how much time we'll have together, and our moods.

Today is gorgeous. And he chose to come to my house. We decided to try painting with different weeds and flowers and twigs to see what kinds of textures we could come up with. Marcus was in his "blue" period. Day lilly leaves and dandelions seemed to be his favorites - I kind of liked the dandelions, too, and also the dry stems left over from last year's day lillies. Some of the weeds we chose were too light for the heavier tempera paints we were using. They might do better if we watered them down more.

Fingers were good.
He wanted to use the lupine leaves to splatter with - but since we didn't have on play clothes we agreed to try that method another day.
So what will tomorrow bring?

The Happy Book Club - April 9

2010-04-09T07:39:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday, everyone! It's rainy and cool after a gorgeous, warm week - and it's ok. The little changeups in weather keep me appreciating the special aspects each day.
I have to tell you about a few notable happy times.
First, though many people I know ask me "Why on earth do you bother with Twitter, etc., I have made some wonderful acquaintances through those networks. The picture above illustrates this point. These lemons are from Quinn McDonald's tree in Phoenix, Arizona. We've been in contact for over a year and recently someone in the group was commenting on the scent of lime blossoms in their yard. I remarked how I used to love having a lime tree when we lived in Mexico when I was young. And Quinn wrote back adking if I wanted some lemons. Her tree had an abundance and she'd be glad to send me a box. That package came just before Easter - and it was like unpacking sunshine! The lemons were huge, juicy, delicious. She'd left some of the leaves on them so they were also gorgeous. I have had fun sharing them with special friends, making sauces, putting zest in my coffee. On this rainy morning I have a ginger cake in the oven to serve later with a warm lemon custard that I made a couple of days ago. Boy, everytime I walk into my kitchen and see those lemons, I smile.

Second, through my connecting here with Valli, I found my way to the blog Five Orange Potatoes. This woman writes a lot about sharing her love of nature with her daughters and since this month has been declared Children and Nature Awareness month she's got a challenge going - each day people take their kids, grandchildren, friends or neighbors' children - and go outside. And then write about it. I started doing it with one of my grandsons whom I see regularly, and we've been having a wonderful time finding new ways to look at our surroundings. You can see a couple of things we did on an earlier post on my blog this week. Valerie's own blog on children's books instigated a flurry of buying some new additions for our little library, too.

And third, with a small push from one of my friends, I ended up painting out of my comfort zone, and have discovered that I do like painting larger than I thought I could/would.

As I sit in my studio and listen to the birds, watch the bright colors of blossoms and new leaves against the gray day and smell the ginger cake baking, I am experiencing a few moments of bliss. That is a wonderful way to start this day. I so hope that you, too, can make room for something precious today.

Children and Nature Awareness Month - What Fun!

2010-04-07T15:08:00.000-07:00

One of the blogs I've recently discovered is 5 Orange Potatoes. Lisa writes wonderful posts showing how she spends time with her children doing art projects, exploring nature, living a life that pays attention to what's important. April has been declared Children and Nature Awareness month and she's suggested a challenge where readers send in photos of how they are spending time with their kids outdoors, preferably learning something in the process: http://www.5orangepotatoes.com/blog/2010/04/04/children-and-nature-awareness-month-challenge/
So here's what my little 5 year old grandson and I have done so far this week:
Monday we had the whole day together because he still was on spring break. We took a short drive to Norrie Point Nature Center on the Hudson River, where we first went in to see what animals, trail maps, and resources they might have. We saw tanks of fresh water and salt water fish, different species that live in the river (which is still an estuary here). And we saw mud puppies! They were very cool. While not uncommon, we hardly ever get to see them because they blend in to the water and mud so well and they are very quick. Then we got trail maps and went exploring for a bit.

Tuesday we had less time, so we made a map of his yard and started cataloguing all the plants and animals we could find there. We found we have a lot of research to do! And some waiting for more identifying characteristics to appear.
Today's adventure was a quick trip back down to the river where the main lesson might have been why we don't want to throw rocks at geese.
But this is just the best month to be encouraging discovery - there are new plants shooting up every day, more and more insects hatching out, which will mean more fish and birds coming around for the feast.
I hope you're enjoying spring delights wherever you are.

A Little Push

2010-04-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

What is it that makes you push your boundaries? Where do you get stuck?

I see over and over how I limit myself. My scripts go something like this: "I don't do that (paint large, paint certain subjects)." "I don't have time." "I don't have the skills". And underneath is the fear "Oh, I'll try that and make a fool of myself."

Fortunately, I get prodded with challenges that make me take a leap. Sometimes it is through one of the artisan's guilds that I belong to. They'll throw out a theme and ask people to come up with something either in their own medium or something new they'd like to play with, and create a piece of work. Those usually have a pretty lengthy warning time - so I mull and stew - and eventually decide that I do have something to say about the topic - and stretch a little. Voila!

Sometimes it is through a commission - "I like what you've done here, and I'd like something like that but ..." and I'm onto a new adventure.

Two weeks before Easter, my dear friend Marge asked me if I would consider doing six simple paintings to accompany the Flood narrative at the Easter vigil. I was seduced by the "simple". I like to accomodate Marge. I was flattered that she thought I could do this. So I agreed. Then she said, "They need to be visible halfway back in the church." Oops, they'll have to be bigger than I usually paint. Poster board was acceptable.

I tried to come up with the six quick and effective illustrations. Storm and lightening, dove, and rainbow - they were pretty easy to envision. But the ark on the waters, the animals and people gathering to go on the ark, and the one where they're disembarking - I couldn't come up with anything that would avoid a fair amount of detail and I didn't have a lot of time.

I ended up devoting several days to the project - but I found myself playing with new forms, and textures. I had a great time doing it. Painting larger has become less intimidating, and I really liked doing the animals, figuring out how to arrange them to show off their attributes.

It is precisely this kind of push that keeps me growing as an artist - and I suspect, as a person.

The Happy Book for 26 March

2010-03-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day to start off thinking about The Happy Book club: http://www.tnc-thehappybook.blogspot.com/. It's cold and blustery - just when we've gotten lulled into spring mode. But this week, the weather has made me really happy. I think this is my favorite season. I love, love, love the lengthening days, watching for new plants and flowers every day, hearing all the bird songs as they call to their mates. I love walking out the door and smelling earth. I love the misty gentle rains that make your skin feel fresh, almost make you feel like you should be growing and blossoming, too.

I was walking by the "lake" at Vassar before sunrise earlier this week. A great blue heron took off from the edge of the water just a few feet from me - rising ghostly, large audibly flapping wings. Such a great image against the barely lightening sky. It filled me with wonder.

Marcus, at 5, loves dinosaurs. Students at Vassar had painted dinosaur footprints on the sidewalk in front of the geology building, and when I saw them on my morning walk I knew I had to take him there. So I picked him up from school yesterday and took him to see them. He asked if they were real or painted. I told him they were painted but it didn't diminish his enthusiasm. We followed them into the woods where they seemed to originate and every little depression he called out "Look, here's another one!" And the mud hole was surely the site of some bones that we should dig. It is so much fun to play with a 5 year old.

I hope you're savoring happy times, too.

Collage Workshop

2010-03-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

I just finished an eight week storytelling collage workshop with Kathryn Antyr: http://collagediva.typepad.com/ What a great experience this has been! She uses the theme of the Hero's Journey, borrowing information from Joseph Campbell and others and leads participants as they set out on their own explorations. Each week we were given affirmations, prompts and examples. In addition she set up a group board where we could share our questions, comments, and the work we were doing. It became a small band of fellow travellers that I looked forward to meeting up with as we pursued our individual courses.

We may get to actually hear each others' voices via a conference call this weekend - the next best thing to an in person gathering.

I was just introduced to Smilebox - a fun way to set up slide shows of your pictures. While it says it only takes 5 minutes to get going, I found it took me quite a bit longer to figure out what I was doing. But it really was fairly simple after I got the hang of it. And you can see my collages and a very brief summary here: http://secure.smilebox.com/ecom/openTheBox?sendevent=4d5455314e6a51324d7a553d0d0a&sb=1 .

I hope this comes through. That would make me really happy!

Completing the Icon

2010-03-11T06:32:00.000-08:00

Once the highlights and floats are finished, there are still many details to attend to. There are borders that will need delineation, cleaning up. Haloes are usually outlined, often with red and white, signifying the spanning of earth and heaven. The outside border of the icon is edged where the bole meets the background. Enliveners are small brush strokes of bright light to emphazize features on faces, hands, edges of garments. And no icon is complete until it is named. Sometimes the name is placed near the image, sometimes it's written on the border.

The icon will need to dry thoroughly before the final step, which is the oiling.

In our class, we lovingly refer to this as "The ahaa moment". When someone is ready to oil, we gather around to watch the transformation. (I wish I had a picture that could capture this. Perhaps I'll remember to do this on my next icon and will post it.) The board is warmed slightly, and linseed oil is also heated a bit. With a small prayer, it is poured over the icon. As you pick up the board to gently spread the oil, you watch as the colors come alive, jewel-like. It's the difference between the stones you find at a beach that are dull gray or mud colored and as soon as they get wet, they gleam with layers of color and detail. The oiling process actually takes a couple of hours to finish, watching carefully to see that the oil is being absorbed evenly, that colors are staying intact. And then the work is to remove the excess gradually, leaving just enough for the level of sheen desired. Linseed oil is another of the smells I've come to love.

I recognize, too, that iconography is not just a way of doing art. It becomes a vocation. And it is always a lesson in humility.

Highlights and Floats in Icon Painting

2010-02-26T04:52:00.000-08:00

After the Roshkrish or opening of the icon, there are typically up to three sets of highlights and three floats over the skin and clothing. If there are background details those will also have highlights and floats, but the number will vary depending on the desired effect.

In this image of the Virgin of Guadalupe I actually added another layer to the Roshkrish because the colors had not dried as darkly as I wanted them. Then I started with the first highlights. On the face and hands the first set is usually the darkest. The process involves using three wells in a palette. In the first the pigment is mixed with egg only. In the second, water is added to some of the first egg mixture - usually about half and half. And in the last well there is only clean water. Areas where the highlight will be the strongest get the first mixture. The second mixture is then applied at the borders of the first and carried out a desired distance; finally with a clean brush, the edges of the previous application are touched with the clean water and carried to the outer border of the face so that ultimately only the underlying darkness will show through. Ideally, pigment flows through the water, settling itself in a relatively smooth gradation. Often you're not sure how it is going to dry - you apply the paint carefully as you can and then keep your fingers crossed that as it dries, the effect you were going for will have been realized.

I sometimes think as much praying goes into the making as the icon will ever experience once it is completed. There are so many steps where things can go wrong. Whenever my teacher hears someone suddenly gasp or suck in their breath, she is quick to say "Stop! Let it dry. It can be fixed." I hear her voice in my daily life now when I make other mistakes. It's a good mantra to have.

Highlights on garments are applied in a particular sequence, too. The first set of highlights are to define the physical body. You generally choose a color close to the underlying color but with a lot white added to it. And the three wells are utilized again. The second set of highlights represents the spiritual body.

Each time the highlights have dried thoroughly, a transparent float is applied - using pigment in a 1 to 5 egg/water mixture. Mixing 3 colors provides for a rich float.

I love mixing colors. It provides an ongoing education and constant surprise. Dry pigments may be very different looking once they're introduced to a medium. Some are strong, some are weak. Some need more grinding or they keep showing up in particles. Some can't be used till the final float because they keep coming through every succeeding layer. Some pigments are from heavy metals and need special precaution in using them.

Since the best way to learn these qualities is by experimenting with them, I've often come up with results that were disappointing. And then I use Olga's advice. I let it dry. I mix up another float. I may re - highlight an area. I fix it.

The Happy Book February 12

2010-02-12T10:51:00.000-08:00

I was going to skip writing this week. I have small delights that I'm grateful for, and big blessings, too. But was there anything to share in particular? Anything that might resonate with someone else? Perhaps there is.
I LOVE Valentine's Day. That's day after tomorrow. I had a friend who said she hated it. She was single, had not had many significant relationships outside her family. She'd been focussed on her career. She saw it as a holiday for lovers (by which she meant couples). I was staying with her for the weekend and so first thing we did was plan an outrageously delicious dinner. Then we walked to this fabulous little deli nearby and bought the most wonderful, buttery heart cookies with sprinkles and frosting. We remembered out loud how much fun it was when we were little to exchange valentines, to make our own, to play with pretty papers. I think I almost had her convinced that it could be a special day even if you didn't have a partner. Almost. Since then, she has found THE ONE - later than she ever anticipated, but I'm sure Valentine's Day takes on a whole new meaning for her now.
I am still convinced that it is a great day, no matter your relationship status. It's about love. It's about giving that away - as much as you can. I saw a photo online the other day of one of those sheets that people put up to advertise something - then it has the tear strips at the bottom so people can tear off the contact information. The sheet had in BIG letters: I LOVE YOU! and the little tear strips were all saying the same thing. So you could tear one of those off and carry it around in your pocket. Love for the taking.
So there you are. That's what is really making me happy this week. Go and share some love. And find out what others are saying about what has made them happy at http://www.tnc-thehappybook.blogspot.com/

Opening an Icon

2010-02-10T06:08:00.000-08:00

In the past couple of posts I've described a little of the board preparation and laying down the image for the icon - here I want to talk more about the actual painting.

The medium used to hold the pigment is egg yolk. Preparing this is quite simple - one of those things that sounds harder than it is. Carefully separate an egg, gently wash the yolk with water, then dry it by transferring it back and forth in your hands until you're able to grasp the sac between your finger tips. pierce it with a pin or knife point and collect the liquid yolk into a small bowl. Add about a tablespoon of water, a little white vinegar, and transfer to a bottle with an eye dropper top. This mixture will keep for a couple of weeks in the refrigerator.

An icon is developed through a series of highlights and floats using ground pigments, the egg mixture and additional water. Part of the learning process is discovering how the different pigments work. Some are much weaker than others; some are grainier and have to been ground finer with a mortar and pestle, some will be scrubbed even further when being mixed with the egg. Color mixing is fascinating - not only for the individual colors at any point, but anticipating how one color will look when it's got additonal highlights and floats over it.

The opening of the painting has a wonderful Russian word - Roshkrish, which means chaos. And when I look at what I've put down, I do wonder how it will all turn out - it is pretty messy looking and unattractive. The colors are typically dark and dense. I have to remind myself that this is the foundational painting - that these are the colors that will show in the deepest folds and recesses. Everything built up after that goes to light, except for a few details that will get darker paint.

In the pictures above, I've shown the opening of an icon I painted of the Virgin of Guadalupe, a fairly straightforward image. And I've shown a collection of things needed at this stage - the powdered pigments, the egg, the eye dropper bottle, some good brushes, and of course, the so important journal where I try to keep track of the outcomes of my experiements in color mixing. I also try to jot down any other little notes to remind myself - recipes for bole, gesso, egg yolk. Reminders - "Eyes are large, mouths are small, fingers are elongated" - all the myriad details. The symbolism of various colors and aspects. I think this is partly what hooked me. Remember when I foolishly said that I thought I'd take one session to learn the techniques and then move on? Hah!

The Happy Book: February 5

2010-02-05T06:06:00.000-08:00

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. I walked this morning, as usual, and it was dark and 14 degrees F out when I left the house. But by the time I was returning the sky was like the inside of a shell - delicate rose, apricots, lavender - so lovely. Deer and crows and my good friend keep me company. What a happy way to start the day.

I wonder where the books are and how they are filling up? It is fun to think of them travelling all over the world, being delightful visitors, endearing themselves wherever they land. I can't wait to meet in person and spend a little time getting to know all about their adventures. This is all because Jamie Ridler had the terrific idea to send them around so that people could add their own happy thoughts and pictures to each one - follow the journeys here: http://www.tnc-thehappybook.blogspot.com/ .

This is what I have to share this week:

1. My daughter was showing my 5 year old grandson his baby book earlier this week. Then when she was in the kitchen Marcus called to his older brother, "Look, Shawn, mommy laid a baby!"

2. I had a really wonderful talk with my sister this week and we've decided we have to find a way to spend some time together, just the two of us. Distance and family obligations make that difficult, but not impossible.

3. I've gotten a couple of real letters from friends recently. I LOVE getting mail - real mail. I think I'll make some time to send some hand written letters, too.

4. Going through pictures for my collage class with Kathryn Antyr I found a fabulous picture of my mother laughing with her mom. My memories of this grandmother are not as happy as of my other grandmother - she spent much of her later years lamenting her unhappy childhood, grieving over the loss of my grandfather, and then suffering a gradually debilitating dementia. This picture reminds me of how much fun she could be.

5. The happiest thing of all was celebrating my grandson's 5th birthday - making cupcakes with him to share with his class, hearing his excitement about turning 5. We almost lost Marcus last summer in a near drowning accident. That event has colored my relationships with everyone I love; I am so happy to have the time that I do with each one.

I hope you've had a wonderful week, marking your own delights and opportunities to express gratitude!

The Happy Book Week Two

2010-01-29T06:28:00.000-08:00

In this second week of staying alert to the things that make me happy, I'm paying attention to the different kinds of "Happy" that come my way. And I play in my head how I'd depict them if this were my week to have the book in my hands.

This would not have been the week I'd have pulled out sparkles *. For the most part the delights and surprises were quieter. Children provided the best laughs. Mother nature gets the Oohs and Aahhs. I've been feeling a little impatient as far as my creative work is concerned - have had so many interruptions as well as having undertaken a very necessary culling project. I haven't had time to actually paint or collage. But there's an upside to this, too, as you'll see in my list. So here goes, in no particular order:

1. I was doing a demonstration at my art guild shop last weekend when little girl of about 7 came to watch me. After a while she asked me how long I'd been painting. I told her about 8 years. She then asked "How old ARE you?" To which I replied 64. Then she said, "Wow. I don't think anyone has ever really told me their age before. Very old people don't like to tell you." It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud, but I was able to respond with "And sometimes very young people like to tell you that they're older than they are. So what is the age that you think people most often like to admit their real age?" My husband and I have laughed about that conversation all week.

2. A roof leak that started in the heavy rains earlier this week and the subsequent hole my husband accidentally put in the ceiling trying to get to it were fixed so quickly by this fabulous guy, George, whom we met this fall when we hired him to paint our house. It is a huge relief to find someone like this who is nice, responsive, and handy at everything.

3. I came home from my very chilly walk this morning and my husband had the most delicious veggie burger sandwich waiting for me for breakfast!

*4. Yesterday we had the most perfect snowman snow - which my grandson and I took full advantage of . And we lay on the ground watching clouds scurrying overhead as we made snow angels, laughing as we saw what we'd made. I could use some sparkles here, if I were drawing it!

5. Listening to Canticle of Brother Sun from Paul Winter's Earth Mass - I could just dance around my studio when it's playing.

So those are some of my highlights. And you? Have you had some special or ordinary moments this week that brought you joy? I hope so!

To read about what others have experienced in their weeks you can go to Jamie's blog http://www.tnc-thehappybook.blogspot.com/ . And you can join in these conversations. Happiness is contagious.

The Happy Book Week One

2010-01-22T06:20:00.000-08:00

I've joined another of Jamie Ridler's online book clubs - and just got in at the last minute. These groups are becoming so popular that almost as soon as she'd announced the opening, it was full. Because of the overwhelming interest, she opened up another couple of groups so more people could get in. But different from some of the past groups, this one doesn't require you to buy your own book. In this one she is sending around books that we will write in! And it's called The Happy Book by Meg Kempster and Rachel Leder. There are four books travelling around the world! It's so exciting! Each participant has a week with the book; to write, draw, paint, doodle the things that make them happy.

Even if you won't be getting the books, you're welcome to join in on the fun by coming to the blog and posting your own delights, or just reading along. Happiness is so often contagious, don't you think? My favorite part of the last book club I participated in was reading everyone else's responses and sharing comments back and forth. It's fascinating to watch how different people react to the same chapter - and sometimes the insights made something I'd overlooked come alive.

For this week what has made me most happy has been:

1. My trip into NY to see a few art exhibits - I've been wanting to get in more often and my husband totally surprised me by giving me a membership to the Metropolitan Museum of Art for Christmas! He is just such a sweetie!

2. My husband - he loves to come up with good surprises for people. And he's so patient that they really come as a surprise.

3. My almost 5 yo grandson suddenly starting a routine from the Little Rascals while we were eating lunch. It cracks me up how early kids pick up humor - even our 1 and 1/2 yo grandson can joke a little.

4.Working on collage (a new art form for me) via Kathryn Antyr's class; I become so immersed in it - it feels like it's opening spaces in me, and makes me very happy

5. A fabulous spinach dish at a Turkish restaurant we went to after the museums - made my taste buds jump for joy!

6. My yoga instructor pointing out something I could do pretty well - cause most of it I am not so hot.

What has made you happy this week? Post it here or to go to Jamie's blog click on this link: http://www.tnc-thehappybook.blogspot.com/

Beginnings of an Icon, Part 2

2010-01-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

In the last post I talked about the important process of preparing the board. The next step is developing the image. The novice iconographer will almost always use traditional icons for the pattern, carefully resizing it to fit the board, then drawing it on tracing paper so that it can be transferred to the gessoed surface.
Next, we use a bole made of powdered red clay mixed with fish glue to paint the edges of the icon and the areas where gold will be laid down. The bole under the gold has to be absolutely smooth, sanded carefully when it's dried, or the gold will show up the little pits and bumps. I ran into a woman who used to do gilding for a framer - she said she loved this work. I'm always a little nervous when I do it - it's so easy to botch it up. When you're ready to apply the gold leaf, you breathe deeply and then exhale over the bole so that it takes up a little of the moisture. Then you carefully lay down the gold. When I hear someone doing this, it reminds me that they are introducing spirit into the icon.

Once the gold is on, we may need to fix some of the lines that have gotten sanded away, and then mix paints to go over the outlines, using pigments that will blend with the later colors to be laid down. This becomes the skeleton of the painting. For people like me who are not great at technical detail, it is a real discipline to make sure that this step is given adequate attention. Taking shortcuts in these early stages will make it hard to get the beautiful effects you are working toward as you go through the layering of pigments.

I think part of what I love about iconography is the involvement of so many senses: the woody smell of a fresh board. the pungent smell of the bole, the pudding feel of gesso, the satin texture after it's dried and sanded, the sounds of sanding and deep inbreaths, and always the gorgeous images and colors.

Beginnings of an Icon

2010-01-11T12:24:00.000-08:00

For the past four years I've been studying with a local iconographer, Olga Poloukhine. Olga is an accomplished artist whose preferred medium is egg tempera, but she has a strong background in etching and drawing - especially useful skills that I don't have. She had been creating art long before she started studying iconography. But she's been "writing" icons for churches and individuals for probably 20 years or more.

I love working in her studio. It feels like there's a such a strong connection to faith communities and art history around the world, through copying images that are hundreds of years old, using techniques and materials, many of which are similar to what those predecessors would have used.

The preparation is particularly time consuming. We start with a board cut to the desired size. Birch and poplar are the most common choices, but plywood is often used now, too. The board is routed out. She often makes her own. I buy mine, not having access to or skill with power tools.

Then we mix up gelatin to use as glue and cover the board with a thin piece of cotton or linen fabric that has been soaked in the gelatin. While that is drying, we add calcium carbonate to the gelatin to create the gesso. And when the fabric is ready we begin smoothing thin layers of the gesso on the board, building up the layers till we have about 8. One man in my class always puts on 12 layers in honor of the 12 apostles. Once everything is thoroughly dry we sand the board carefully to create as smooth a surface as possible. Egg tempera is considered a watery medium so surface imperfections will show up in the final product.

I've learned that now is the best time to clean up the back of the board, too: trimming off any excess fabric, sanding away any smeared gesso, perhaps even staining and varnishing the back of the board so it doesn't have to be turned over with the image on it. Once the paintin has begun it will be fairly susceptible to scratching until it is sealed at the end - and then it's tacky for quite a while.

Next time I'll address choosing and applying the image.

My Introduction to Egg Tempera

2010-01-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

My painting career started late. In 2002 I was down at the Hudson River skipping rocks with my grandson Alex when I picked up a rock that reminded me of a bird's head. We started to look for some other stones that reminded us of particular things and brought them home to paint. Something about that activity was very relaxing, almost meditative, and I found myself coming back to it.

Initially my attempts were pretty primitive; I had no art background. Little by little I attempted more precise painting and gradually gravitated toward doing small saints - pieces that I called pocket icons. I gave many away and began to sell some of them.

Then a friend invited me to lead a workshop at church. During the morning an iconographer from out of town was coming to tell us about the use and process of painting icons. I was to follow in the afternoon with an experiential workshop where people could paint stones for themselves. One of the women in my session asked if I'd ever done iconography, and told me there was a local woman who taught classes. I was fascinated. And I was a little intimidated. I worried that using the word "icon" for my small stones might offend someone. And I felt that I didn't have enough skills to try to do something as complicated and beautiful as what we'd seen in the morning. I was told the instructor was away for the winter - so I didn't pursue it and gradually forgot about it.

Six months later I went to an opening at a local gallery and was struck by the most gorgeous paintings - not icons, but done in egg tempera and with themes and style that stirred up strong emotions. As I was reading the biographical information about the artist, I realized this was the iconographer I'd heard about. I went straight home and before I could talk myself out of it, I called and made an appointment to begin classes with her.

I thought I'd just go through the process of painting (writing) one icon. I'd learn the techniques so I would be more knowledgeable but suspected I would find it to be too difficult or disciplined to continue.

Here I am, four years later, totally captivated by iconography, icons, egg tempera. I still do a lot of my small work with acrylics. But I study with Olga weekly, and I've started using some of the techniques in my own way. My blogs will include more of the story and some tutorials. Hope you'll come back if this journey is of interest to you!

A Year Beckons

2010-01-02T14:04:00.000-08:00

So how are you entering this new year? With relief? Fearfully? With excitement? Feeling challenged? Behind already?

I spent much of my day yesterday cleaning one desk in my studio. I hadn't seen the surface in months. Even the chair in front of it was piled with magazines, papers, sketches, things I'd been missing. By suppertime I was down to bare wood! Hallelujah! Chorus, please!

After dinner I began reading a book I'd mentioned to my husband as a possible Christmas gift - Anne Paris' Standing at Water's Edge, discovering "the power of creative immersion". It felt like a good way to begin the year. Last week I was reviewing some of my accomplishments from 2009 and was surprised by how much I'd gotten done. So often I'm feeling frustrated by how little there is to show for my time - but when I counted things up, I was pleasantly surprised. And I'm enthusiastic to focus a bit more - to take advantage of the past successes and move forward. You know how people choose a word for the year - I think mine may be "focus".

I've signed up for an online collage course later this month with Kathryn Antyr http://collagediva.typepad.com/truenorth/ and am really looking forward to this exploration. Kathryn sent an email last week offering a downloadable calendar of some of her work - such a generous gift! Today I did that - and though she meant for it to be used as a small desk calendar that could be displayed in a CD case, I saw the expanse of paper and decided that I wanted to write on it - to use it as the frontispieces for pages of my journal, to piggyback on her energy and generosity, to let that good feeling color my own expressions, whatever they may be. And I got such a surge of possiblity when I spread out the pages on my newly cleaned up desk! What will these pages be saying as I move into this year. I'm so excited!

So, thank you, Kathryn! And if any of my readers find such a journey of interest, I encourage you to check out her blog and jump in.

Here's to a new year of living your art!

Rumi and the Groovaloos - Art and Inspiration

2009-12-31T12:43:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite lines from Rumi is "Let the beauty you love be what you do. There are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground". Maybe at first the connection between a thirteenth century poet and mystic and a contemporary hip hop group isn't that obvious. And I'm not insinuating that I'm an expert about either of them. But the connection is what comes to mind after my trip to New York yesterday to see a Groovaloos performance.

This started out as a Christmas gift for my grandson (see previous blog 'A Business Lesson'). Shawn and I were both so excited about the concert itself and the idea that we'd get to meet the cast after the show. I was expecting skillful and energetic dancing, lively music, and hoping that the performers would be as gracious as my few brief contacts with Bradley Rapier's wife via Twitter. And I was hoping, also, that Shawn would see something that would somehow inspire him, to see that there are things worth working for.

Our experience surpassed our expectations. The show was fantastic! There were life stories movingly or explosively told through music, dance, poetry, and individual voices. There was such connection with the audience. It didn't feel like just performance. You were brought to care very much for each of the dancers. I thought of so many young people who face similar conflicts, roadblocks, and decisions - who may not have the outlets provided by movement, but who might be encouraged by these stories to find their own paths.

The audience was invited to meet the cast after the show in the lobby - autographs were signed, pictures were taken, conversations were going on all around us. I was so impressed by the graciousness of the group.

The difference between art and craft is much debated. For me, the distinguishing factor is that the artist makes meaning out of the tools at hand. So something can be beautifully made - but it would be the meaning of it that makes it art rather than craft. And there was plenty of art in this production.

One of the most inspiring stories of the group belongs to Stephen Stanton, who suffered a spinal cord injury in 2003. Told he would not walk again, he shows up on stage, often with his cane, but definitely not only walking, but dancing. I loved that among this group of young people who often look like rules of gravity do not apply, he demonstrates that dance is so much more than just a well behaved body. It makes me wonder "So as these dancers age, will they still be telling their stories through their movement - what kind of art will they be sharing?" Maybe it will be through teaching, maybe they will morph into other things like so many of us do. But I have to admit that I would LOVE to see an older version of this sometime. If we learned nothing else yesterday, we were certainly inspired to dream - and pass it on.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

2009-12-23T15:35:00.000-08:00

Today is my dad's birthday. A lot of people who have a holiday birthday wish that they had a different date. I even had friends at one time who celebrated their child's half birthday so it could be more special, not get lost in the Christmas festivities. But when I asked my dad last year if he minded having his birthday on Christmas eve, he said that he enjoyed it. And my mom made sure it was a grand occasion.

Because of his birthday, we would have our biggest celebration on Christmas eve. Mom baked for months ahead, putting tins of cookies and appetizers in the freezer. We moved around frequently when I was growing up because of daddy's job, so we were often separated from extended family. My parents solved that by having an open house party on Christmas eve for neighbors and friends from work. I loved these gatherings! There was so much good food, festive decorations, lively conversation, and sometimes dancing. People would come for a short while before church or show up afterward. Some years we'd go to a late service after the guests left. It felt like a perfect ending to such an evening - the smells of pine and incense, the music, the beauty of the church, and the stories of another birth so long ago. And that dead tired feeling you get after so much excitement.

Last year my dad turned 85. We flew to Seattle to help them celebrate and had planned a big party with their friends at my brother's home. As it turned out, Seattle had the biggest snowstorms they'd had in over 25 years and the party was postponed several days. Many people couldn't get there even then - but it was such a treat to see how enthusiastic my dad still was. His delight is contagious.

This year we are back to celebrating the evening with our children and grandchildren. So many families share similar circumstances - separated from loved ones over these holidays, with phone calls and memories to maintain the ties.

When daddy turned 80 we couldn't be there so we made a video for him. One of the sequences had our grandchildren sitting on the couch doing "Are you 1, are you 2?....." and gradually falling over as they got closer to 80. As though they were getting exhausted, just counting. Never mind having lived through that many years! Here's to another journey around the sun. Happy Birthday, daddy! Are you 1, are you 2....?

Business Lesson

2009-12-21T06:04:00.000-08:00

You know how you sometimes stand outside yourself and watch what just happened? And sometimes that becomes a great learning experience?

Last week I watched the So You Think You Can Dance finale with my grandsons. One of the groups they had on was the Groovaloos. We've seen them before and love them - so were eager to watch for their number. My 14 year old grandson was exclaiming over some of their moves, my 4 year old grandson was just dancing along. One of the dancers was wearing one of those earflap hats and Shawn suddenly commented that he'd like one of those. Shawn is very particular about his clothes, so when he says he wants something, I take notice. "Aha! A possible Christmas gift! One he might actually wear!"

Yesterday I went into NYC to see a play with some friends and we passed street vendors who were selling inexpensive versions of the hats. So I picked one up. Then last evening I tweeted about it, mentioning the Groovaloos' inspiration for this gift.

This morning when I checked my Twitter - there was a one word message to me from the Groovaloos! Well, that was cool enough. And I thought, "Wow, somebody there has it set up so they can check anything that comes along that refers to them. And they respond! "

I hadn't bought Shawn a real gift yet - he's at that age where it's hard to do much more than give them gift certificates or money. But I thought - "I wonder how much a ticket to the Groovaloos would be? I't's probably out of my range - but maybe." So I went to their site - and they had a range of prices that I could handle. They're only going to be in New York till January 3rd - so I had to make some quick decisions. There was nothing standing in the way - so click, click, click - I am now the proud holder of two tickets, and am thrilled at the idea of spending some fun time with Shawn.

After I finished all this and the dust settled, I realized what had just happened. Because this group responded to some little compliment, I was favorably impressed by them. And I realized that they had something (a performance) that might fit one of my needs (a cool gift for my grandson). So I bought tickets from them. If this happens to them even 5 % of the time, they're going to have a continuing stream of customers. For any of us in business, it's a great lesson. They didn't try to sell me anything. They just paid attention and responded. What a great marketing tool. It's the little communications that might make someone remember that you have what they want. And even if you're not in business, it's a good lesson. In this age where responses often seem to be too much effort for people, it's good to remember that a little courtesy goes a long way.

What Do You Want for Christmas?

2009-12-19T05:29:00.000-08:00

My earliest memories of Christmas are sensory. I can remember back to 3 - some I think is real memory, some may be embellished by family stories. I remember being in bed and hearing bells - like jingle bells. And I remember being pulled out of my sleep by someone, not wanting to wake up. The story part is that we were staying with my grandparents and my grandfather was telling me to get up, that Santa Claus was there and I'd better hurry if I wanted to see him. Grandpa would laugh telling that story years later.

Gifts were always a huge part of Christmas. We didn't have much money for many years - so mom would save up the things that we needed and get them then - all wrapped up. It made the tree look really full. Packages with socks, underwear, mittens - practical things made special. I still remember the ecstasy of getting a dollhouse one year, my beloved record player, various beautiful dolls, a pogo stick - and I think my all time favorite was the year my mom made a trunk full of clothes for two of my favorite dolls. I still have them - they were so beautiful and became more precious as I got old enough to realize that she had to wait till we went to bed each night or off to school to find some time to get the sewing or knitting done.

As an adult Christmas has never been the same. I remember crying the first few Christmases of my married life - it wasn't the same just going back to visit. Preparing for the holiday for your own family was so much work! You begin to realize that the events that you treasure in your memory didn't just happen magically - your parents struggled and sacrificed and worked hard to create something for you.

I tried to do that for my own children. One year when I was a single parent raising my kids, in a fairly new relationship with my present husband who had children of his own, we decided to get the kids together to share Christmas eve. I was frantically working to make everything perfect. I'd spent weeks after work decorating, cooking, baking, buying gifts, wrapping presents. Early that evening I asked for some help and didn't get the quick response I wanted and I snapped at Al. He asked why I was behaving like this. I said I wanted everything to be nice. And he said quietly "We'd rather have YOU to be nice."

I can tell you, I was furious! But after I stewed over that remark for a while, I began to realize that he was right. What I really wanted was for us to all enjoy being together, to share in the beauty of the holiday - much of which was available without all the work and frenzy. It has taken years to pare down, to give up what is non-essential, to come to a place where I don't identify with people all around me saying "I can't wait for Christmas to be over!"

I love being with my family. I love the family who can't be here. I love Christmas music. I love homemade cookies. The scents of Christmas - a balsam fir, citrus,cinnamon and cloves, the little bursts of light and color in darkness, the quiet of Advent, the stories and liturgies at church ground me in tradition and joyful reflection.

I enjoy small doses of shopping, especially for the children. I enjoy some baking if I can fit it in without feeling rushed. We love having gifts made in our name to groups that bring hope to people who have few options without a little assistance.

The Christmas story is rich in lessons; you could spend a lifetime uncovering the gifts it offers. I've come to realize that what I want for Christmas is the open heart that makes transformation possible.

When Time Vanishes

2009-12-15T10:03:00.000-08:00

I remember participating in a women's evening potluck about ten years ago when we were asked to go around the room and introduce ourselves and tell the group something about us that really caught our interest. I forget what I answered. I had interests - many of them. But a couple of women talked not just about something that interested them. They mentioned "When I do (whatever - painting, gardening, writing) I lose myself. I forget time. I come to after awhile and I've been in a different place. It sounded mystical, transformative. I wanted that. And I wasn't experiencing that.

It was the kind of thing that I felt that I should be able to get. It sounded like runner's high. In all the years I ran, I never experienced that, either. I was disciplined. I went out early every morning, through all kinds of weather. I got a little faster, could go a little farther - saw some progress. But I'll be darned if those endorphins ever kicked in - unless you count how good the shower felt when I got home again, and the virtuous feeling I had that I'd made myself do something good for me.

It was the same when I tried to meditate. I fidgeted, I made myself sit and practice letting thoughts go - but it was almost impossible for me to get to that place that you read about - the place of refreshment, revelation. If I were honest with myself, I had to admit that I couldn't quite see what all the hoopla was about. I must not be doing something right.

I think many of us lead lives that fall a little short of what we'd like for ourselves. We try various things, we decide that either they don't work for us or that other people are exaggerating. We give up and settle.

But I am here to offer you encouragement. There are times when I now know exactly what those women were talking about. It has been a long time coming. And I can't tell you what it is that works. But I've had the experience of losing the sense of time, of immersion in something that I was working on that was absolutely fascinating to me. I know that it has to do with many small steps, reading and listening to a number of suggestions, coming back over and over again to ideas that seemed to be useful but that I'd drop when I got busy or stressed.

Perhaps the first step is acknowledging there is something we want for our lives. Being in the moment, losing sense of time is treasure.

Rural Women's Conference and workshop

2009-12-10T10:57:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I had the privelege of being invited to do a workshop at the annual Rural Women's Conference held in Binghamton, NY. This is sponsored by the Rural and Migrant Ministry and was founded by my friend, Ruth Faircloth in 2006. The purpose of the conference is to provide connection for rural women who are "isolated by location, language, culture, and resources", and to help them "develop strategies and networks for change".

The location in central New York makes it possible for women in especially underserved areas to come together. One woman I met who recently retired and lives about 40 miles from Binghamton was so excited, "Things like this don't happen out here. You think of the big cities, but not here. This is so wonderful!" She returned to school getting a degree in ministry as she was preparing for retirement and she may become one of those who take on the role of ally to this group of women.

Workshops were geared to health, careers, domestic violence, justice, and families. Some address spiritual needs. I was asked to provide a session on creativity and joined forces with the other woman, Jill Austen, who had also been asked to do one. She was focussing on storytelling, I offered painting rocks. Blending the two gave participants the possibility to tell their stories in words or images - or to just play. We all ended up having such a good time. Ruth had told me that she'd been wanting to include a creativity segment for a couple of years. And while it is fun, there is ample evidence that stimulating creativity reduces stress and helps people rethink the ways they operate that keep them stuck.

For me, the most exciting part of these conferences is to see the young women who attend. They are often from families who have struggled through many barriers and to see them taking on leadership roles while still in their teens is really inspiring.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T08:50:00.001-08:00

I love Thanksgiving. It's right up there with New Year's Day as one of my favorite holidays. I've come to really appreciate those celebrations that can't be taken over by commercialism, that offer space for reflection.

I know that if you're doing the cooking or trying to travel within certain time limits it can feel chaotic. But we have some control over that. The expectations are simpler than those holidays that are associated with gift giving or wild partying. For me, I am so happy to just gather together with others to be mindful of what we are given. As we get older, the list gets longer and longer. It might be remembering the touch football games in the backyard with friends or family no longer with us. It might be thinking about the times people have been so generous in the hospitality they've offered us. It could be for our health, for shelter, clothing, food, friends, family; the most creative friends also find reasons to be thankful for the lessons learned when things have not gone well.

A friend sent me this prayer that she had taken from John O'Donahue's To Bless the Space Between Us.

Grace After Meals

We end this meal with grace

For the joy and nourishment of food,

The slowed tome away from the world

To come into presence with each other

And sense the subtle lives behind our faces,

The different colors of our voices,

The edges of hungers we keep private,

The circle of love that unites us.

We pray the wise spirit who keeps us

To change the structures that make others hunger

And that after such grace we might now go forth

And impart dignity wherever we partake.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Joy Diet - Connection

2009-11-23T17:18:00.000-08:00

This chapter of Martha Beck's book stood out for me. Maybe that's because I am a connector. I think it's my vocation.
I grew up moving around a lot. Learning to make fast connections became an important survival skill. And even when I settled as an adult, I found I loved pulling people together, meeting new people and finding ways to fit with them, figuring out what we had in common, enjoying learning about our differences. I like to stay in touch. Sometimes I make contact with people I haven't seen or heard from in years. Some connections get broken, and some just seem to melt away. There has been pain and heartache from some of the losses, relief occasionally; but the overall joy and satisfaction of building relationships is more than worth the risk of loss. The Little Prince was always a favorite story about connection.

I recognized in reading this chapter that sometimes my tendency is to give up my ground in the interest of making things easier. And I make assumptions all over the place.

A couple of years ago I picked up an interesting book that had a personality test in it; you figured out where you were in a spectrum of about 15 categories and that information might help you understand yourself and the people in your life. I took it, my parents took it, some friends took it - we had a few aha moments. I realized that I'm not as adventurous as I thought I was. My husband wouldn't take it. He didn't really say he refused - he just never got around to it. I was dying to find out how he would score. So I took it for him!
I answered 104 questions as I thought he would answer. I figured him out. And later we were with friends talking about the test and I said something like "Well, he is more this than that so that explains ..." He looked at me and said, "But I didn't take the test." He had become in my mind what I had determined he was. We doubled over laughing and have laughed a lot over it since then. I realized how easy it is for me to make assumptions about people. And then I'm not really connecting with them. It's a one sided relationship. I think it's a hazard in many relationships - I can recognize times when I've made incorrect assumptions about customers, friends, and family. And I see that by becoming still in myself, I may be able to be more true to them and let them show me more of who they are. I started practicing this in small bits - I like the calmness it brings, even if it is only for an instant.

By the way, I have to say that my favorite line in this chapter was "When you're doing nothing, caring for your screaming toddler creates only empathy for what it's like to be a very ambitious person in a very small body."

I've loved the connections that we've been making in this book club - even if they are just for this short time, I'm so grateful for the willingness of my fellow participants to share themselves so readily. Thank you, thank you.

You can follow the wonderful discussions that this chapter has generated by going to http://tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/

The Joy Diet - Laughter

2009-11-13T03:13:00.000-08:00

Now really, once you take a look at this picture of the man I live with, do you think I needed this chapter? Martha Beck suggests that you laugh at least 30 times a day as part of her Joy Diet. Piece of cake!

I had the good fortune years ago to interview and hire a colleague where I worked who had laughter down to a science. She had set up humor carts in hospitals where she'd worked. She had countless tricks - things she'd learned, things she'd made up - to keep the department, patients, students not only laughing but coming up with creative ways to solve problems. It was exposure to her that got me going to the Humor Project's Laughter and Creativity Conference in Saratoga Springs, NY. Even after she moved away we'd still meet there. It was a terrific education for me.

I come from a family who likes to laugh anyway. It's often how we cope with the fact that we have some big differences in the way we think. When we can find things to laugh about together, we know how much we care for each other, and it reminds us we are so much more than our opinions. But actually learning more about laughter and how to facilitate it in certain situations made it a much more intentional activity. And as Martha points out, it multiplies exponentially.

One of my favorite props is the red sponge nose. They're small and light enough that you can ambush groups with bags of them. I met a CEO who kept one in his briefcase. If a board meeting got too contentious, he'd bend over as if to get a tissue or something and come back up to the table with his nose on. While the attention of the group was focussed on the ones arguing, he'd sit patiently till someone noticed and the bickering would stop dead.

I love to play with the noses. When my niece got married, I brought a couple of bags of them and passed them out to people at the reception. Suddenly everyone was dancing with red noses, making conversation with folks they didn't know, and the fun just kicked up a few notches.

Years ago I was laid off from a job that I'd had for 9 years. There was a large restructuring in the hospital and a lot of people's jobs disappeared. It was a very traumatic event. I'd never quite understood how awful that can feel - that when you've worked hard and done a good job, you can still be so vulnerable. You feel such rejection. The method they chose to tell the employees who were to leave was humiliating - they called you in, asked you to turn in your passwords, etc., and you were escorted to your car. My co-worker who had the same level position as I did was called in first and came back crying, saying "I don't have a job." We were both trying to absorb that information when they called me in - and I, too, was gone. I'd just come back from the Humor Conference a week or so before that. And I think the effects from being there were what helped me get through that period with some grace. To begin with, I suggested to Janet that we go to Mohonk - a gorgeous place to hike. It was 10 am, the most beautiful late spring day, and rather than go home alone and sit and mope, we decided to take advantage of the fact that we were free to do what we wanted. We hiked, we groused, we stewed, and we laughed that day. Of all the surrounding memories, that's my favorite.

When my husband's brother died suddenly at 48, it was the laughter that started everyone on their journeys to healing. Chris had left us with lots of memories that we could share with tears running down our faces - because they were so funny.

My grandchildren keep me laughing; each one has given us some priceless stories that have become part of the family lore. The four year old alone, pictured, keeps me well above the threshold of 30 laughs per day.

I'm intrigued by the HoHoHaHaHa yoga. Maybe I'll check that out.

I hope you're getting your daily dose of mirth. You might want to check out the Humor Conference Website: http://www.humorproject.com/

And to read my Joy Diet companions' responses to this menu item take a look at Jamie Ridler's blog: http://tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/

The Joy Diet - Play

2009-11-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

The adventure with The Joy Diet by Martha Beck continues. I loved this chapter on play! It really caught me by surprise, as some of the other sections have. But when I read this one it felt like an aha moment!

Ever since I was a teenager I've occasionally framed my life in the most dramatic scenarios I could think of. I remember throwing up to my mother in my mind's eye - "I don't care if my room is neat! Is it important to have on my tombstone 'Here lies Becky. She always had a neat room? or She could wear a size 8' " Whatever the current demands were that I wasn't meeting.

As I've grown older the line that I often find useful to remind myself what's important is from Psalm 90: "Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom."

My early heroes were people who were selfless, smart, inquisitive, compassionate, dedicated. And they went up a few notches if they had a good sense of humor.

While my earlier dreams of going off to save the world never materialized, my "jobs" and my career actually did line up quite well. I ended up as a physical therapist for 40 years. Some aspects of that can be aggravating, frustrating just like any other job. But for the most part I loved working with people in a way that I hope did make a difference for them. We were frequently able to make play out of our visits together. Since I spent a lot of that time in home care, we could use our sessions to tailor their efforts to what was most important to them.

In my retirement I'm often reflecting on what I'm called to do. Time with our grandchildren, being able to support our kids' busy lives by helping with transportation or errands, having time to visit aging family members, being able to enjoy friends - these are clearly part of my career. I feel so lucky to be able to do these things.

Painting, using my painting to promote a vision that I embrace, has come as such a surprise to me at this point in my life! It brings me so much joy, opens so many new doors.

Rowing, walking, yoga, exercise - are small steps to my larger visions. By keeping myself in good shape I'll have the ability to continue doing what I love as long as possible.

Martha talks about the games we play - and how we need to evaluate them in terms of our real career. If they don't serve that, then we need to find a different game. I didn't have those words or concepts to use at the time but when I made a job change that surprised some of my family and flew in the face of societal norms I realize that that's what I was doing - walking away from a game that didn't serve my real purpose. Those events in our lives can be really scarey, but deep down we know they're right.

I feel like I have reached the stage where it IS more like water flowing than swimming against a current. There are surely going to be difficult times. But I like having this concept of career and play to keep myself honest - to keep checking to make sure that I'm serving that divine spark that I've been given. It keeps going back to identifying that desire.

I've posted an image of one of my standing stones that was inspired by Catherine DeVinck's poem The Womanly Song of God.

To see how others in the Jamie Ridler's book club responded to this chapter check out her blog at: http://tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/

Namaste.

The Joy Diet - Treats

2009-10-30T05:52:00.000-07:00

So here's where we find ourselves this week - in the land of treats! They're everywhere, they're everywhere! I love treats! I work for treats! I practice gratuitous treating! It's what has gotten me through the highs and lows of my life.

Each week in this wonderful journey through Martha Beck's The Joy Diet as part of Jamie Ridler's online book club http://tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/ we read, practice, and inwardly digest a particular menu item. This week's subject was treats. Some parts of this adventure have felt difficult, required some digging. This one feels like walking on a beach and finding one more beautiful shell or rock after another.

Write down a list of smile sparkers: good jokes, great color combinations ( sometimes just someone's laundry line makes me smile), running into friends spontaneously, listening to children or grandchildren laughing, the delicious crisp little center of bok choy or crunch of a good fall apple, a gorgeous day, swirling leaves, a glimpse of our majestic river, singing with kids, the notes my husband leaves me if he's unexpectedly gone out all kinds of silliness.

Write down things that delight your senses: the fragrant oil my yoga teacher strokes into my hair at the end of a class, good poetry read aloud, music for any mood, snuggling with my four year old grandson, my neighbor's crab apple tree - in spring it holds a breathtaking explosion of blossoms, carpeting the sidewalk as they drift down; in summer it provides a welcome pool of shade; in fall it is voluptous with it's small fruits; in winter it's gray bark and wild scramble of branches accept all kind of lights to make an intriguing sculpture; and this week I happened to get to the orchard where we'd leased a tree just as they were pressing apples into fresh cider. It was nectar from the gods! Boy, was I smiling with each sip!!

Practice divine decadence! We don't have tv and I tend to like "good" books, movies, etc. saving what I consider junkier reading for the beach or travel. But when I'm watching my grandson and he'd be busy or napping I'd turn on the tv at my daughter's. She had tivoed "America's Next Top Model." I started to follow it somewhat, and one morning she had some cheesecake sitting on the counter. So I made some coffee, sat there watching all these thin young women going through their paces, as I was savoring a delicious piece of caramel cheesecake. I suddenly saw myself from the outside and started laughing out loud, thinking "If my friends could see me now!"

I do hold treats out as a reward for getting unpleasant tasks accomplished. If I finish vacuuming, I can sit and have a cup of tea - in a real little pot. Or maybe I'll sit on the steps and watch the trees, clouds, and sky. Or sit out on the porch in a good rainstorm and feel the mist blow in on me. I'm a cheap date, easily pleased with small things. And they are everywhere.

The Joy Diet - Risk

2009-10-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

Looking back over the past 30 years I see a long trail of risks I've taken. One of the advantages of getting older is having a history of successes as well as all the failures accumulated. So in reading this chapter of Martha Beck's The Joy Diet in preparation to join Jamie Ridler's book club discussion, I've found myself thinking about some of those milestones. And the line pops into my head "What have you done for me lately?"

Are there risks now that I need to work through to get to my heart's desires? For example, one of the things I really want is to deepen my art, to continue to build skills and techniques, but more to find what it is that I'm in a unique position to express. A small step toward that would be to get out on a regular basis to go look at art. There's a lot available where I live. I'm only an hour and a half out of NYC. I've been saying for several years that I need to get on a train and go down by myself, even four times a year. I don't see myself being afraid to do that. I'm pretty comfortable travelling by myself. But unless I plan something with a friend or family I don't do it.

Maybe a risk would be to enter a competition. I know that challenges result in my work taking off in new directions that I usually find very interesting. But I hesitate to enter beyond an occasional local show that I'm comfortable with.

I did do a small thing for myself yesterday in yoga class. I've been recovering from a back injury and decided that yoga would be helpful. I've been really careful in class, babying myself a bit. For the first several classes I'd avoided trying the shoulder stands because I found getting into a position like that difficult - whereas it used to be so easy. But yesterday I decided I was ready to try and it felt fine. A little thing - but it made me so happy.

I've put in a picture of a plane for this menu item. Last night I had a dream that I'd had to fly someone in a plane. I'm not a pilot, but I managed this successfully. After I delivered them to wherever they needed to be, I remember looking at the plane and thinking "But now I have to fly it back by myself." and I was thinking that maybe I'd just hang around for awhile. Till spring.

The thought entered - but if you wait till spring there might be water in the gas and the engine could falter. You might forget how you landed the plane. Maybe you'd better just go now.

I think this dream fits risk - it might be better to go now.

The Joy Diet - Creativity

2009-10-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

This group reading of Martha Beck's The Joy Diet is turning into quite an adventure. It's certainly not for the faint hearted. Jamie Ridler organized this online book club - http://tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/ and I enjoyed it through Desire. Having gone away and gotten out of my rythms, I'm behind and don't feel like I'm doing justice to the practice, but want to add my response to the fourth menu item - Creativity.

I thought I'd love this one. I'm creative. I'm pretty open to new ideas. But I didn't find much new in this chapter. Some of the more controversial exercises such as looking at traits of your "enemies" to see what relates to you and might be useful, or the dichotomous thinking, I've worked with a little before. And maybe it would be good for me to do more with those - but right now, I 'm not interested. I want something juicier. The sentence that did resonate a lot with me was one relating to building our lives without consciousness: "Their plans for living come from half-formed inclinations and other people's demands, meaning their creativity is never targeted at resolving the issues that really matter to them."

So the previous chapter on figuring out desires is critical. I know that my nature is often to coast. It's not that I don't work hard - but my work hasn't always been directed to what I'm most deeply interested in; I haven't taken the time to figure that out. Sometimes I have been lucky in stumbling into something that I think "Hey, I love this." "I'm good at this." And sometimes I've found myself going through motions because I was doing what outside forces suggested or required. I've often been someone who could say -"Well, this is good enough." It's easy for me to make do, to tolerate a certain amount of dissatisfaction.

There was a lifestyle consultant who spoke at a meeting I attended who said something that impressed me. It was that we lose a lot of energy putting up with small things that annoy us. She was talking about organizing your work space, looking at your systems of operation, figuring out what you could do to support your work rather than detract from it. And her words came back to me when I started thinking about desire and creativity. For me, that is a place I need to spend some time cleaning up my act and getting in closer contact with my desire. I know the creativity is there - it will manifest itself if I can remove some of the emotional clutter.

The Joy Diet - Desire

2009-10-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

I am late with this post. I have not accomplished a visual to go with it. But this chapter was really important to me.

I worried beforehand, before reading this menu item, that it would not be about me. I felt like I was in a pretty good place in my life. In your 60's, if you're lucky, you might feel like you have the basic things that you want out of life. For me that means a good partner, kids who have more or less settled in their lives, health, grandchildren nearby, interesting things to do, some passion about work, supportive friends, enough money to take care of necessities and some wants.

But when I read Martha's description about figuring out what we really want, I realized that I did still have some unfulfilled desires. That there were things worth digging around for.

Let me tell you how this hit me.

The reason this post is so late is that I went to visit an aunt who lives at some distance for over a week. While there, I had no access to my usual supports - friends, computer, routines - and limited access to other family. I took my Joy Diet Book and notebook with me to try to keep up my practice. In the midst of some rather barren days, I found that working with this chapter stirred up some juices, got me thinking excitedly about things that I'd like to make happen for myself.

My aunt lost her husband over a year ago. He was a dear, they'd been together for a long time. Now she sees nothing in her future. When I asked her what she might look forward to, she cited a couple of tv shows. I'm sure that if she were able to work with a book like this earlier, she might be in a very different place in her life. I've seen how dead a life is without desire. And I'm not going to give it up.

The Joy Diet - Truth

2009-10-02T05:57:00.000-07:00

This was a tough week! The menu called for continuing the practice of Nothing each day and afterward to answer some questions, trying to get past the nontruths we regularly tell ourselves. The questions are not that hard on the surface. But I had a great deal of difficulty answering them most days. I could answer "How am I feeling?" and "What hurts?" easily with regard to my physical being. I could answer to some extent emotionally. The questions that asked about the stories that I tell, whether they are true, whether they work for me, whether I could come up with another story that worked better, were hard. I don't always know these things. Given my mood on any given day I tell different stories. Some of these I've known for many years and tried to work through them - so I can offer various perspectives. I'm very good at role playing - I can put myself in my parents' positions, my daughter's, my husband's, my friends', my previous employers', the people who look at my art. I can make excuses for anybody, including myself. And I can be hard on everybody, especially myself.

I feel frustrated with this week. I don't feel like I did a good job. What did come out of it was a greater awareness to pay attention to what I'm feeling and to decide what the best story might be.

My vision card expresses my feeling about trying to get at the truth, slippery as it can often be.

If you want to see what this online book club is about and read how other people respond to the diet, you can find Jamie Ridler's blog here:http://tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/

You're welcome to join us! It's never too late.

The Joy Diet - Nothing

2009-09-25T06:21:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting for a copy of Martha Beck's book The Joy Diet. What I gathered from reading other people's posts and listening to Jamie Ridler's delightful vidio that introduced this book club adventure was that the first chapter was on moving to nothing - and the three suggestions for the week's practice were to 1) spend about 15 minutes a day doing nothing, 2) pay attention to the moments when you experience joy throughout the week, 3) make some kind of collage or visual card that represents your experience of nothing. Not having more guidelines than that, I decided to experiment.

I played with my 15 minutes doing nothing in different settings: lying on my bed with my feet up on the wall, sitting in the parking lot waiting for my little grandson to emerge from preschool, sitting on my front steps - and sitting in my studio where I had caused total chaos by pulling the contents out of a closet. I chose not to call my time meditation - because that felt too structured to me. Instead, I watched my breathing ( I know, you do this in meditation, too), heard things around me, felt breeze or not, noticed people going by or not, put aside things that tried to make me make plans, and let myself sink toward nothing.

It takes a while. No matter where I practiced, initially I tensed. My breathing speeded up. My head became a clutter, a whirlwind. As I stuck with it, thoughts drifted away - some returned or captured me, but gradually they gently subsided. And every once in a while I was floating - so briefly, not even a breath's length before I noticed and lost it. But when I was at that still point, I felt fully supported. When I started this week and wondered what I'd paint at the end, I anticipated gray. But that's not what it felt like to me - it was a very soft surrounding, more vibrant than gray but not intrusive. I couldn't quite paint in one static image - because getting to nothing took time. So I layered this little journey. The top layer is full of chaotic thoughts and images. When I remove that the next layer has things floating in and out, but there is a pattern of settling occurring. And the last layer is that short experience of nothingness.

I'm so eager to see and read what others found in their week. And if you're not already doing this book club, but find it intriguing, it's open to all at any time. You can find Jamie's blog link on my first post.

Joy Diet Begins

2009-09-20T15:09:00.000-07:00

The kick in the pants, the cosmic nudge - whatever it takes to move you from "I should do this" to " I finally did this" sometimes comes from an unexpected place. So it was when I saw Jamie Ridler's invitation on twitter to join her book club, using Martha Beck's book The Joy Diet. I first checked it out thinking it might be a book written by another woman named Joy who recommends a raw food diet and has interesting things to say.

But this wasn't a recipe book for meal preparation. I still don't know what exactly it is - decided to get it from the library first and am still waiting for my copy to come in. Our library is undergoing renovations, the library my copy was found in is only open on limited days, and so I'm still waiting eagerly to see what it's all about.

When I read Jamie's description of how this would work, I was intrigued - both by the book and the process. Sharing perspectives with others is appealing as we move along on our journeys.

So I started my blog, I'm waiting patiently for my book ( if I don't get it in the next couple of days I'll go ahead and buy it - because I'd probably end up buying it anyway) and I look forward to sharing this experience with you.

Wrong Turns

2009-09-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

It's been four years since I enrolled in my first iconography class. I'd been painting small stones that I called "pocket icons" and a nun who attended one of my "stone painting as meditation" classes told me that she'd studied with a local woman who taught traditional iconography. I thought it would be interesting to try that but was intimidated because it seemed to call for skills I didn't possess. I vascillated back and forth and then one day walked into a gallery to see a new show. The paintings on the walls were like nothing else I'd seen - they were so stunning in both subject and technique. As I was reading through the artist's bio, I realized that this was THE iconographer and before I could lose my nerve, I went home and called for an appointment.

I thought that I'd only go for one session - enough to complete an icon. I thought that the structure, the discipline might be too much for me on a long term basis. I thought wrong. Here it is, four years later, and I have no intention of quitting. I still do lots of other painting - which offers challenges and joys in other ways. I feel like everything I do is a learning adventure. There are times when I combine some of my own techniques of working on stones with methods and procedures that I've learned while writing icons. What I thought was a brief lookout point on my path actually became a different road, taking me somewhere interesting, though I couldn't tell you the destination.

I'll spend a few blogs soon on the process of iconography.

When have you been delightfully surprised by finding your preconceived assumptions wrong?

I Want to Go to School!

2009-09-17T08:09:00.000-07:00

My daughter called me last night. "What are you doing tomorrow?" I had a couple of appointments to deliver work so was a little busy. She said my four year old grandson was coughing and went to bed early so she was worried that he might not be able to go to school today. She's had to take a lot of time off lately and didn't want to miss more work. So we made tentative plans.

But this morning she called and said he was insisting on going to school. He didn't have a fever, so she was going to let him go.

I can't tell you how thrilled I am that he loves to go to school. I know it's only the second week, but so often the kids become resistant to school early on. Especially when they have older siblings, they learn that going to school is not cool.

I just finished reading Three Cups of Tea. When Greg Mortenson talked about seeing 50 children gathering on a windswept plateau, even without a teacher some days, quietly scratching their lessons in the dirt, I was so struck by that image. It has been haunting my days. I think about how the privilege of schools, teachers, supplies, transportation, never mind arts, music, games, all the extras are taken for granted.

And I wonder - how do we instill the joy of learning? the joy of self discipline? the satisfaction of doing your best?

I am so grateful today that Marcus loves to go to school. I know that a big part of why he wants to go is to see his friends. But I'm really grateful to his teachers who make it an inviting and exciting place to be. He's off to a good start. And I'm wondering how we support their efforts - maintain this attitude. I think it involves examining our lifestyles.

Twitter

2009-09-14T05:02:00.000-07:00

This morning I'm thinking about how much I get out of Twitter. It surprises me how many people are resistant to it, sometimes adamantly so, without having looked at it.

Clearly, I'm not very tech saavy. But that's why Twitter has been so unintimidating for me. There is more to it than I take advantage of, but it's easy enough to jump in and get started.

It didn't take long to discover that some of the people I followed were not right for me. I'm not interested in folks who constantly try to sell something, who repeatedly say "I'm bored", "I'm washing my hair", who only post quotes a hundred times a day, whatever. So you "unfollow" them - simple.

But gradually you come across people who do offer something that adds to your life. You really do make connections - with people all over the world. They reveal bits of their lives and you become interested in them. They show you pictures of things they're working on or places they're visiting- and you might find inspiration. They point you to videos, blogs, websites - and you marvel at how much is out there that you're unaware of - all the time. It's mind boggling, humbling, and exhilarating.

Yesterday alone I came across these two great finds: the first was posted by Alyson Stanfield at Artbizblog.com : a list of 100 articles on all kinds of art topics

http://www.onlinecollege.org/2009/09/07/100-awesome-lectures-for-art-enthusiasts/

The second was a mention of the poet Sharon Olds. I'd never heard of her before so looked her up on Google. And I have to go get one of her books. Her imagery is so powerful that I can't get her words out of my head or heart. Take a look for yourself and maybe you will want to find her books, too. They are the kind to be taken in small doses, over and over. Soul medicine. Tonics and stimulants.

http://www.poemhunter.com/sharon-olds/

Where do you find new ideas and connections? What keeps you growing?

first pebble

2009-09-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

I've been planning to start a blog for two years. "I'll get to it". And there are many reasons not to do it. Does the world need another blog? Do I need another task? I haven't had time to figure it ALL out. Oh, you know, this list goes on.

Then today I came across a book club that I would like to join - but you have to have a blog to participate. And Jamie says it's easy to set this up. I worry - I don't know how to add pictures. I don't know how to list URL's. I don't know....

But she says if you have questions, you can email her. So maybe this is the kick I need. And a hand to hold.

So I'm taking the plunge. Do you want to come along? Her blog describing the book club is here: http://tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/ They're going to discuss The Joy Diet by Martha Beck.

Ready, set, jump!