This was a tough week! The menu called for continuing the practice of Nothing each day and afterward to answer some questions, trying to get past the nontruths we regularly tell ourselves. The questions are not that hard on the surface. But I had a great deal of difficulty answering them most days. I could answer "How am I feeling?" and "What hurts?" easily with regard to my physical being. I could answer to some extent emotionally. The questions that asked about the stories that I tell, whether they are true, whether they work for me, whether I could come up with another story that worked better, were hard. I don't always know these things. Given my mood on any given day I tell different stories. Some of these I've known for many years and tried to work through them - so I can offer various perspectives. I'm very good at role playing - I can put myself in my parents' positions, my daughter's, my husband's, my friends', my previous employers', the people who look at my art. I can make excuses for anybody, including myself. And I can be hard on everybody, especially myself.
I feel frustrated with this week. I don't feel like I did a good job. What did come out of it was a greater awareness to pay attention to what I'm feeling and to decide what the best story might be.
My vision card expresses my feeling about trying to get at the truth, slippery as it can often be.
If you want to see what this online book club is about and read how other people respond to the diet, you can find Jamie Ridler's blog here:http://tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/
You're welcome to join us! It's never too late.